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“I understand.” He released a breath, his hands flexing across the marble sink. “Regardless, you know better than to go to Onuna alone.”
“I wasn’t alone.”
His eyes met mine. “If you possess a fraction of his power, Cameron and Xavier, while skilled, are not a fair match for Kaden.”
I only nodded and lowered my head, knowing he was right. I had been foolish and careless, not only with my life but with Cameron’s and Xavier’s, as well. Samkiel ran a hand over his face, blowing out a long breath.
The bathroom fell silent, leaving us glaring at one another, but the hunger and raw need I saw reflected in his eyes forced the words from my lips. Words I’d only meant when I’d said them to Gabby.
“I’m sorry.”
Surprise flashed in his eyes, the anger slowly dissipating. I hugged the thin robe closer to myself.
“Was that my lecture?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
A single brow rose. “Do you need to be lectured?”
“You’re the one who is angry.”
He stared at me, looking too hard, too deep, too long. My heart, the jaded and cracked thing it was, fluttered with hope. A part of me already knew he saw the reality of me, but it was finally sinking in that his feelings were unwavering and true.
“It was not anger that I felt. It was fear.”
“Fear?”
“Yes, fear because when I learned of where you were and what was happening, I realized there is no limit to what I am willing to do for you. The old gods spoke of how powerful we all are and how our emotions can override the critical part of our brains. We trained religiously to ensure the realms, the people, come before all else. We cannot be selfish, but I fear that with you, it is not something I can control. When Vincent told me what was happening, I knew I would rip Onuna to pieces for you. If Kaden had taken you, I would turn mountains to sand to find you. I’ve reduced worlds to desolate wastes before, and I’d do it again for you.” He said it so calmly I didn’t think he knew what he was saying. “I thought he had tried to take you again, and I wasn’t there. I am not used to that kind of fear, Dianna.”
My mind flashed to our conversation on that stone bridge. I asked him then if he feared me, and his response was simple. No. Because he wasn't afraid of me, only afraid of losing me. Regret filled me as I realized what images must have terrorized him too. Back in that damn jungle when he’d had to carry me, my body ripped to pieces and covered in my blood. The bloody mess he’d had to heal, unable to ease the pain of it. That was why he was so mad. After everything I’d seen of Samkiel, it seemed impossible he would fear anything, but if Samkiel was anything, he was always honest, even brutally so, if he had to be. So here he was again, laying his heart open and bare, waiting for me to claim it and heal it, but I feared all I would do was damage it more, breaking him like I was broken. Maybe him saying he was scared and me saying sorry were two truths we both needed to admit.
“That’s also not very heroic, placing me above all else.” I swallowed back the rising emotions that threatened to drown me.
“It is not.” He glanced toward me and changed the subject, recognizing my deflection. “I do have a question, which I wish answered honestly.”
“What?”
“Why didn’t you fight back more?”
“No powers, remember?” I responded dryly, glad the question had nothing to do with my feelings.
“I’ve seen you fight. I’ve taught you several ways to disarm men three times your size using no power at all. Try again.”
My eyes narrowed into slits, and I glared at him but said nothing.
“You know what I think?” he asked.
“Probably something stupid.”
A grin tugged at his lips. He pushed away from the counter and strode toward me, his powerful body moving with predatory grace. He knelt before me, and I scooted back, even as a part of me trilled in excitement. Damn traitorous body.
“I think you are powerful enough to turn your powers off.” He lifted his hands, snapping his fingers. “Like a switch.”
I avoided his gaze. “I’m not that strong.”
“Dianna, all you have done since I met you is surprise me. So yes, I think that’s exactly what you did. I don’t think you did it consciously, but I think you don’t want them anymore. You buried them in grief and pain and let a few vampires beat your ass because you think you deserve it.”
Too close. Too much. Samkiel was always too close, and he always saw too much.
“And why would I do that?”
