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Logan tilted his head slightly, listening intently. “And then?”
“My heart and soul scream in defiance because she is the only thing I can think about. The only thing I dream of when I allow it, the only thing in this life or the next I wish to claim.” I felt my eyes sting as I turned to him, his features filled with anguish. “Why do I feel so strongly for her? Why can’t I treat her like any other beast or creature? The time we spent together should mean nothing. Nothing. I have been with countless beings, traveled between worlds, saved thousands, and fought creatures that could swallow worlds. Yet this woman with a fiery attitude has burned me to my very core. I let her in during the worst part of my existence, and now she is in my bones. My every thought, every dream, is of her, and I can’t eat or sleep. I haven’t even been inside of her, Logan, not really, not like Cameron or Vincent suspects, but she’s burned into my soul, my very being. And I hate it. I hate that it’s not simple anymore. I hate feeling so strongly for someone who does not feel the same. Every time a door opens, or I hear heels on the floor, I look for her, and I hate that, too. I hate that I think every dark-haired woman I see is her. She made me smile, made me laugh, and I hate it. I hate that she made me feel alive and whole for once. Dianna saw me for who I am, not a ruler or king. She made me feel normal, and then she left me. Abandoned me like it meant nothing.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the window, trying to calm my raging heart. Logan stood beside me, studying the view outside the window, giving me time as I rubbed the moisture from my eyes.
“What kind of king or leader cannot contain their emotions?” I finally asked.
“One with a heart.”
I shook my head. “A ruler cannot have a heart. My father made it clear that attachments would only ruin everything. Maybe he was right.”
Logan shrugged. “No, that’s why they are all dead, and you are still here. Their logic was flawed.”
I nodded, rubbing my hand across my face one last time. “My father was right about one thing, though. It’s too much of a burden to carry alone. I tried to save our world, and I failed. I tried to stop her, and I failed. If Dianna dies, I quit. I’m tired, Logan. Let someone else rule. Let Vincent or the council have it. I’m done. It is not as if I was a good king, to begin with.”
Logan scoffed. “You’re wrong. Samkiel, you are the best of them, and I’m not just saying that because I love you or because of the tremendous amount of shit we have been through together. You just have a monumental amount of responsibility. You’re alone like her. All your guides and teachers are gone. You have made the best of the absolute worst situations. Sure, you locked yourself away, but who wouldn’t? You had a crown forced on you at the moment of your birth. Rules and regulations forced down your throat before you could talk. The kingdom and the crown were your life, and you lost that. I don’t blame you. I never have. No one does. And I know Dianna may be beyond reach now, but it’s not hopeless. It never was.”
“How can you be so sure?” I glanced at him.
Logan looked at me as if I’d asked the most idiotic question he’d ever heard. “Because you give all of us hope. You’ve saved every single one of us in one way or the other. I’ve seen monsters quake in your presence. Gods bowed, and the realms rejoiced when you were named our next ruler. You are the very best of them, of us. And you will save her. That’s what you do. You save people.”
A breathless snort left my lips. “Maybe you should be the one giving speeches.”
“I’ll leave that to you.”
“What about being king?”
Logan laughs. “I’ll leave that to you, too.”
The sun finally set, and the snow began to fall. A bustle of noise filtered through the floor as guests started to arrive. “You should go get ready for tonight. I wish to be alone before Vincent forces me to mingle the entire night.”
Logan’s hand clamped on my shoulder, and he squeezed. “I think you’ve been alone far too long.”
We said nothing else, lost in our thoughts. Perhaps neither of us should be alone at the moment. So we stayed there, watching the sky empty itself as the world spun.
Thirty-Eight
Logan
I didn’t fully understand why Vincent demanded we attend this event, but if it helped the mortals feel safe, so be it. Vincent had called the new and old ambassadors from every continent, and his Arariel palace was becoming crowded. When the new ambassadors and their families showed up, the commotion in the large gallery was almost deafening.
An hour passed, then another. I shook hands, gave half hugs, and forced a smile so long my face hurt. I pretended to laugh with Marissa, the newest secretary of the Encaus ambassador, but my gaze remained focused on Samkiel. He towered over the crowd. I smirked but sympathized with his discomfort with the many compliments and flirtations tossed his way. Even from here, I knew he was ready to shred the all-black suit he wore so no one would speak of it again.
Samkiel had turned down advances from people I knew were married and joked awkwardly with them when they realized he was serious about not taking them up on their offers. I knew it was Vincent’s doing. Vincent wanted Samkiel to move on, to be how he once was, but that Samkiel died when Rashearim did, and a part of me thought even before then.
I moved a tad closer to the back door as Samkiel pretended to laugh at what someone had said, Vincent at his side as they mingled with the mortals. He did it so carelessly that no one would have guessed at the near detrimental break he’d gone through upstairs an hour before.
I sipped my drink, only half listening as Marissa continued on about structural plans.
“... the funding alone to set these cities to rights is draining us dry. Why, the number of sinkholes I’ve had to deal with lately—”
“Sinkholes?” Liquid stilled in my throat, the word rattling around in my brain.
She watched me through her green mask, the intricate design and color matching her dress. “Yes. We evacuated the city of Pamyel because one formed beneath our factories. The risk of chemical spills was too high.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Why haven’t we heard about any of this?”
She gave me a confused look. “You have. I sent the invoices to Vincent. He closed off the area, helped us clean it up, and even repaired the affected homes. Of course, this all happened at the same time the female assailant almost destroyed a city, so I’m not surprised it wasn’t at the top of his communications.”
