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My thoughts race with what Tommy so casually threw out: our kids. There should be alarm bells going off in my head, right? Not warm, fuzzy feelings.
It’s way too soon to be thinking about something so…permanent. Maybe.
Maybe not?
I need to get a grip either way and respond with something. Anything. I’m not so young that I haven’t thought about wanting to have kids in the next few years, but I’m not going to walk through my ideal timeline as we’re getting ready to hang out with his family and friends. And my friends. I think.
Focus, Samantha. You’re not going to tell him you’d like to be on your way to starting a family before you’re thirty…he doesn’t need to know that your brain has an arbitrary three-year timeline ticking down. Just keep it light and fun.
“I think we’d be able to handle sunscreen,” I say, feeling pretty proud that I didn’t say something ridiculous about us being parents.
But he would make a pretty spectacular parent, that’s for sure… Oh boy, I need to not picture Tommy Landen holding a baby or I’m going to have a new obsession.
He lets out a shaky chuckle, like he was the one who was nervous. “If anyone on this ranch could remember, I think we’d be the ones.”
His eyes go wide once more, like he said something he didn’t mean to. And then I realize he mentioned people on the ranch. Does he picture us here? Am I crazy for thinking that? I suppose we haven’t talked about where each of us hopes to live, but I’m guessing he’d like to stay on the family ranch. Maybe it’s because he asks me not to hide, or maybe I’ve unlocked some new version of myself who has an extra boost of confidence, but I actually ask the question on my mind.
“Truth or dare.”
Okay, maybe I don’t come right out and ask it.
Tommy’s cheek twitches and there’s a moment’s pause before he replies. “Truth.”
I chose my wording carefully, so he’s not boxed into a corner with having to be too specific, but giving enough leeway where he can. “When you picture your future children, where are you living?”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and adjusts his towel that’s sitting low on his hips before making eye contact with me.
“I think I automatically picture those scenes playing out here on the ranch,” he pauses, resting one hand on the vanity. “But I know that living at Landen Acres isn’t for everyone, and I’d rather live in town with the right person rather than finding out they don’t like life on a ranch like my mom. And I know that the main house comes with a few of my brothers and that won’t likely change much…they’ll have families here, too, or somewhere else on the property. But I hope to stay near the ranch so I can continue to be hands-on.”
It seems like I’m not the only one choosing their words carefully.
“Did you grow up with any aunts or uncles living in the main house?” I ask, keeping the conversation semi-neutral because I’m not sure how things work with that many adults in a house, even one this big.
Tommy shakes his head. “Our grandfather died before our mom left and I was still pretty young when that happened. But our uncle Kent, Jesse’s dad, moved out when we left for college and wasn’t interested in ranching.”
“Oh, I guess I hadn’t thought about what would happen if one of you didn’t want to live and work here. I suppose that’s something you’ve all figured out over the years?” I decide against putting on makeup and walk out of the bathroom with Tommy right behind me.
“Yeah, especially after our dad passed, we started having more conversations that were concrete about what we wanted and what we didn’t want. All five of us have said we’d like to stay and as people have retired, we’ve officially started taking over those positions ourselves.”
“That makes sense,” I say, wondering where someone like me could fit in. I suppose I have the work I do for the co-op, but Avery is the mastermind behind that and Tommy has the contacts. I just help organize things and fill in some of the details.
“Do you think you could see yourself,” Tommy clears his throat while he digs through his drawer, “not living in a big city?”
“Well, I did move to Greenstone,” I point out, my heart racing at his question. Is he asking me if I could see myself living here? With him?
By the time I’m tugging my underwear on, he’s already wearing a pair of black sweatpants and I can see the band of his boxer briefs peeking out of the waistband which is sitting low on his hips. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in these before and, as Tommy says, I think I could get used to seeing him in these more often. Especially without a shirt on.
“Yeah, but going from a big city to Greenstone is one thing. Living on a ranch is entirely different.”
He’s right. And I don’t know what living in this house would feel like…especially since three of his brothers live here, too. There truly is so much space in this house, but could it one day feel like a home where I can pop downstairs in my pajamas for a late night snack?
“That’s true, it would be very different living on a ranch. But different isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially when you’re with your person.”
To that, he nods. “I definitely agree with you. I just know that some people aren’t fond of this lifestyle so it’s always good to talk about concerns as they arise if anyone were open to the idea of living here.”
Pulling a shirt over my head hides my smile at hearing him say: living here. “It’s good to know that any concerns, or questions, can be addressed.”
“Always,” he says, now with a t-shirt on to my dismay. Although, it’s probably good he has one on so I’m not just rubbing his bare chest in front of everyone downstairs.
