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She could have chosen Bardot. The second he went all crazy and almost dry-humped her when I picked her up for our first date, she could have said “Sorry Mac. Bardot here has my heart. Good day to you.”
But she didn’t.
She chose both of us, and I wanted to tell her that this was something permanent in my soul. That she had become a part of me. The same way Sebastian had left his mark on me. They were the only two people in the world who made me feel this way.
I wanted to wake them both up and profess my love to them, but last night was enough vulnerability for me for a while. It went well, and I didn’t want to fuck anything up by being impulsive. I had already done enough impulsive things to fill several lifetimes. I couldn’t mess this up while it was so fragile.
I didn’t have that much time, anyway. I needed to get back to my room before people were in the halls.
My body had woken up startled and disoriented, like it always did during overnight games. I was glad they were few and far between because I’d get no sleep if most game nights were spent in a hotel.
This time, the alarming wake up worked to my benefit. I was up before anyone in their right mind would be awake. Strelow would question where I was, but I didn’t mind. For all anyone knew, I was single, and we were away from home. It was expected I’d be hooking up with someone.
I did care, however, if someone saw the room I came from. It would cause Pink trouble and I didn’t want that. It would force our relationship out into the open—something I was more than proud to claim—but she wasn’t ready yet.
I let my eyes linger on Sebastian and Emily for a few more seconds. Last night wasn’t just a hookup. It was a squeezing of my heart. A cleansing of my soul. I was turning into a poet the more I looked at them and knew I needed to get out of there.
Slipping out the door, I checked to make sure the lock worked and was about to head to my room when someone cleared their throat behind me.
“Connor?”
I knew instantly who it was. I knew the voice and there was only one person on the team that called me by my last name.
“Good morning, Julie,” I said brightly before turning to face her.
She was alone, thank God. If Coach had been with her, I would’ve really been in for it.
She tossed an apple between her hands and tilted her head. “Isn’t that Sebastian and Emily’s room?”
I nodded, not seeing the point in hiding it. She knew and lying would just make me look like an idiot.
“It seems my fruit habit is giving me all sorts of insider info lately.”
I smiled and acted like my heart wasn’t pounding out of my chest. “Oh yeah?”
“Don’t do something to ruin your image. Okay, darling?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’m serious. A lot of players get comfortable. They get this celebrity status and think normal rules don’t apply to them. And then they go and do something stupid and ruin their careers.”
I nodded, wanting to tell her this was anything but stupid. But did I know? Truly?
We said our goodbyes, and I trudged to my room, heart heavy. It was easy to get lost in my thoughts, my insecurities, and every step cemented me further in my head.
Last night was incredible. Soul-clenching good. I had woken up with peace and genuine happiness.
Bardot and I had been a team with Emily. We had joined, bringing her to climax. Bringing tears out of her. That was something.
I knew it was.
But it was so hard for me to believe it meant something to the two of them, too. They had each other. They had history. I knew I needed to get over that, and to a degree, I could. Neither of them made me feel like an outsider, so I needed to get my shit together before I lost Emily.
Last night was a one-and-done situation, anyway. I was sure Bardot wouldn’t repeat it, no matter how badly I wanted to. We felt right as a trio. Like puzzle pieces that locked into place and found their home.
When he assumed I wasn’t staying the night, it stung. Emily had been there to reassure me, but she shouldn’t have had to.
I ripped my key card out of my pocket and slammed it into the slot so hard it bowed. The light flashed green, and I slipped inside.
