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I can’t even begin to describe how much I am tempted to just take off from here so I can come see you. I miss you. But I can’t make this about me. This is supposed to make you feel better, but here I am prattling on about me. I just wanted to say if you need solitude right now, I will give that to you. As hard as it will be for me, I can give you all the time you need. Take the time to recover and get feeling better. I will wait for you. You are worth waiting for.
Your Best Friend,
Curtis
Tears welled up in my eyes again. Curtis was so patient. So kind and funny and compassionate. He deserved so much more than what I could offer. He said that he would wait for me, but I knew that wasn’t true. Princes didn’t have that luxury.
I had no doubt that Curtis would go on to find a beautiful princess that would love him and provide a much more advantageous marriage than I ever could. Perhaps it would even be Aria. Mother was always telling me to find peace with my circumstances. I knew what I needed to do.
I picked up a quill and wrote back:
Dear Curtis,
You know how much I care for you. The last year of being with you has been the best of my life. It is only because I care for you so much that I know that we cannot be together. You deserve so much more than what I can offer. It isn’t fair to you to have you wait for me to heal when you deserve happiness. I have to be realistic about what a future with me would look like for you. I wouldn’t want to saddle you with that burden. I hope you know that I wish nothing but the best for you.
Goodbye,
Truly
Before I could lose my nerve, I stuffed the letter into an envelope and hurried out to catch Comfort before she and Mother left for the bazaar.
“Would you mail this to Curtis for me?” I asked breathlessly.
She took it and looked at the sealed envelope curiously. “What did you say?”
“Oh, nothing important,” I said, fighting back the tears that threatened to come.
Comfort turned back to fastening her shoes. “Alright then.”
I returned to my room and watched from my window as Mother and Comfort walked along the path out of sight. Then I turned and fell onto my bed, sobbing for hours at the loss of my best friend.
CHAPTER 20
“Just come down for the dinner,” pleaded Comfort.
“No!” This was about the sixth time we had had this same exact conversation. “I am not going to go down there just to have people stare at me.”
“They won’t!” Comfort promised. “You will really like Cynthia and her father. Her dad travels all the time, so you could talk about that with him.”
“No! I am not going to talk to anyone. I am not leaving this room.”
“Honestly!” Comfort was beyond exasperated. “I have been telling Cynthia and her father about you and Mother for months. I finally get Mother to agree to have them come to dinner, and here you are acting like a spoiled two-year-old.”
“So have them over for dinner. But I don’t have to be there. And I won’t be! I am not leaving this room and besides, I’m not hungry.”
I knew Comfort would get tired and give up soon. She kept trying to find ways to get me out of the house and meeting people. She would suggest me going to market with her, or attending a dance, or going to meet new friends. Each time I would refuse. I had to admire her persistence, but my patience was wearing thin. Why wouldn’t she respect my wishes?
I knew what would happen if I left the house. People would gawk and mock how I looked. Mother and Comfort claimed that they couldn’t tell, but I knew they had just become desensitized to my face. It wasn’t that I was any less ugly; it was just that they were used to seeing how ugly I was.
“Well, what am I supposed to tell Cynthia when they get here? That my sister they have never met is still hiding? That you don’t want to meet them? They will think I am making you up!”
“So?”
“So this is important to me. Just come downstairs and meet them and then pretend to get sick so you can run back up to your hidey hole.”
“I am sick. Of people staring.”
“Ugh, you are infuriating!” Comfort snarled. “You haven’t even seen anyone outside the family since Father died. How would you know if they would or wouldn’t stare?”
