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But that didn't last when I started to see the reality that my daughter might remain mute for the rest of her life. I still blamed myself for Sophie’s predicament. That was enough to rid any other activity, including women.
Shortly after Olivia’s death, I received proposals from models, actresses, and women in power on how they wanted to be with me. Most were for selfish desires. The few that weren’t didn't interest me. Nothing outside work and Sophie interested me.
Olivia made it that way. She fucked with my head…
I was a good father but not the perfect husband... at least to Olivia. In her eyes, I never did right, and she was never satisfied with my efforts. And when I did put in more effort, trouble was all I got.
Heated arguments were my reward for trying to make peace. Chaos became the new normal.
***
Four Years Ago
The night I realized I lost my wife.
We just sealed a huge deal—a domestic robotics contract we'd worked on for months. This deal with the Chinese was tough, but now that we've finally sealed it, I was happy. My employees were, too.
I glanced at the hardworking faces of everyone in the conference room as they applauded me, basking in the well-deserved praise.
“Thank you, everyone. Your support and contributions have gone a long way in achieving this. Therefore, I urge you all to keep doing your best. Together, we’ll shape the future of robotics.”
Another round of applause thundered as I took my seat. Soon after, the meeting was dismissed, and I was on my way home.
Driving tonight felt much easier. Usually, when I was tired, it felt like a job. But not tonight.
Tonight, many things were different. The view of the nightlife, the city lights… everything, including my feelings.
It was only my second year of marriage, and things had become less rosy. In fact, it was filled with thorns, lots of thorns. And they pricked me each time, leaving me bleeding.
Every day I closed from work, my mind was filled with thoughts of the impending future. Thoughts of what would happen next. Of what I’d face.
Apart from the fact that it was inevitable, I had these thoughts to prepare myself. Depending on what I felt, I would either avoid, remain silent, or engage. Most times, I remained silent. Recently, I'd been avoiding.
And no, it wasn't cowardice. It was the only way to achieve peace and to give my daughter a normal life.
I rolled down the window. Tonight, I wanted to feel the fresh air on my face. The taste of freedom. Maybe then I could devise a working strategy to cope with my wife.
It wasn’t like I hadn't tried to figure out how to make peace in my home.
I bought gifts, hired nannies, and chefs. I made sure she didn't have to worry about a single thing. But none of them worked.
How could it? When I couldn't understand the root cause? I’d tried to analyze the pattern, but there was none. Each day unveiled a different issue. No, it was the same issue.
Sometimes, it manifested as a subtle threat, other times as angry profanities or a calculated silence.
All these were a silent battle I faced. Convincing myself that issues like this arose, and it only stemmed from conflict of interest, was the only way I could manage the situation. It was the only way I could push myself to do more.
The only way I could keep taking the blame.
The root cause of our argument was usually my time. She complained I spent a lot of hours at work and never had time for her.
But I was only a man doing everything I could to achieve my goals and give my daughter the best life— something I lacked while growing up.
Honestly, I did my best to balance my work-life. And today, like every other day, I intended to do more— extra this time. It was a happy night for me, and I wanted to share it with my wife.
I pressed on the brake when I noticed the red light from the traffic light. Clenching the steering wheel, I turned to the side and inhaled the night breeze.
While we were dating, Olivia was the perfect girl. Petite, blonde, with amber eyes, she was beautiful, respectful, and humble. I loved her for that.
