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The hallway was dimly lit and smelled musty as usual as I jumped the steps in twos. My excitement grew higher as I made my way to the sixth floor. I entered the hallway and, alas, was standing in front of our apartment.
Disappointment struck my stomach when I opened the door to find the apartment… dreary.
My stomach flipped when I didn't see Mom in her usual spot. Somehow, I just knew something was wrong.
Mom was usually on the couch seeing her favorite Tv show. And Dad, if he’d returned from his shop, would be beside her. But now there was No one, nothing. Not my parents, not the smell of cookies.
Our cramped apartment seemed even smaller as I walked through it. The TV station was scrambled, and there still was no sign of my parents. Maybe they decided to stay in their room today.
I hurried to Dad’s room to find the door ajar. When I peeked through, he was on his wooden chair, staring into space.
“Dad?” My voice was tentative as I pushed the door open. He seemed to be in his own little world.
“Dad,” I called out a little louder. Instantly, he turned to me, eyes bloodshot.
I held my breath. Maybe it was the look in his eyes or the unusually quiet atmosphere, I asked. “Where’s mom?”
The silence that came after was deafening. Dad was never this silent. “She’s... You just need to freshen up and do your homework.”
On a normal day, I'd have obliged. But nothing about today was normal.
My voice broke. “Where’s mom?”
When he didn't respond, I raced to her room. It was empty. “Mom!”
My legs carried me fast into the kitchen, the bathrooms, everywhere. “Mom!!”
I continued to yell for her until Dad hit me with the truth. “I'm sorry, Evie,” he cried. “Mom is gone.”
I froze, my head spinning in time. But she said she was getting better. She said she only needed rest. Suddenly I felt dizzy. Then I fell.
Mom is gone. There would never be any more hilarious laughter, no more snarky conversations, no more cookies.
***
Present Moment
Fuck. I shook myself back to reality. This wasn't a memory I liked to relieve.
That day, I knew loss. I knew the meaning of grief.
Life wasn’t the same after Mom passed. Not for me and not for Dad. It was empty.
It took a while before I could get used to life without her. It took even longer for Dad.
I watched him struggle to pick himself back up and be there for me. I watched him struggle with business, and with bills until he finally decided to move to his hometown.
Only then did he start to pick himself back up. Even then, it wasn't the same.
This only made me wonder what Sophie felt. I sometimes wondered what went through her head. Did she actively feel the loss of her mother? Or was it just the gory sights that affected her?
Surely, her brain must be mature enough to feel her mother’s absence. Perhaps she missed her mother?
No. It was beyond that. Trauma is an emotional response to a disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope.
Common reactions to trauma manifested in the form of anger, guilt, shock, and fear. But in Sophie’s case, it definitely was shock, confusion, and fear.
The little girl was scared, shocked, and confused, and the only way to buffer what she felt was by being in her head.
