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She immediately stood up, surprise coating her face. “Mr. Thorne…it’s...it’s been a while.” She adjusted her doctor’s coat.
I scanned the pale blue office. Sunlight streamed in through a large window overlooking a private garden. Indeed, it had been eight months.
I nodded, fixing my eyes on the bookshelves overflowing with psychology texts. She took her seat.
“What can I offer you?”
“Don't worry about that doctor.”
Her brown hair was pulled into a bun. Grey irises stared at me as if looking through me. “So…Mr. Thorne, why the long break from therapy?”
“I didn’t need it anymore.”
She continued in a calm voice. “Have you had any episodes recently?”
“No.” I didn’t hesitate. “Not after she died. Now, the only anger I have is towards myself.”
“You still blame yourself,” she breathed.
“Every single day.”
The guilt was inevitable. Each new day unveiled the same chains of guilt. Perhaps if I’d been better, Sophie wouldn’t be this way.
“And what is the main driving force of the guilt?” She urged gently.
“Sophie,” I breathed. I could feel my chest tightening as I struggled for my next words. “She’s still the same after so much help. I— I … caused it. If… maybe if I’d been more attentive….” I trailed.
“Mr. Thorne, I want you to take a deep breath, okay?” She took a deep breath. And I mimicked her actions.
“Good.” Silence stretched as she watched me.
“I want you to know that you did your best. Coming here was the best you could do then, and you handled it well.”
“Maybe I didn’t.”
“We can’t control fate, Mr. Thorne. Our actions can’t control them either.”
I frowned. “You’re telling me this is Sophie’s fate?”
“No.” Her voice was even softer. “I’m saying your guilt is perceived. All in your head.”
Maybe…but there’s one that isn’t.
ten
Evie
Sophie stared at the drawing sheet blankly. It was time for her to draw. But unlike other days when she’d draw random shapes, she did nothing.
It’d been this way for exactly twenty-four minutes. Yes, I was counting. I was studying her reaction. She had none.
Suddenly, she started to draw. Releasing a deep breath, I gently stood up. “Sophie, I’ll be back, okay.”
She ignored me and focused on her work. I exited the playroom and set out to find Virginia. I hadn’t seen her since I started Sophie’s routine. On the other hand, I’d seen Joseph. With a deadpan face and a little bit of sass, he greeted me. I did the same.
I still couldn't understand why he was mean. I never really knew him.
Perhaps Virginia was cleaning the study? Or even his bedroom? My heart skipped a beat as I ascended the stairs.
