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“Yeah, I guess. I know there won’t be much to see, but it’ll be nice to see it. I don’t think I’ll believe it’s real until I see it with my own eyes.”
“Make sure you ask for the printout so you can show Bryce,” Meka reminded her.
“I will… even though there won’t be much to see. We’re just here so they can calculate my due date.”
“Any questions for me?” the radiology tech asked as she squirted warm gel onto her stomach. “We’ll probably have to do one vaginally since you aren’t very far along, but I always like to first try the regular way.”
“Sounds good to me,” Samantha said as they all stared at the screen waiting to see if a baby would appear.
A baby did appear. Samantha and Meka stared at the screen as small black and white images appeared. It took a while before Samantha was able to make out what was on the screen. Eventually one of the blips on the screen began to take shape.
“Is that the baby?” Samantha asked as Meka took her hand.
“Yes,” the ultrasound tech said, pointing at the screen. “There’s the head. There’s the body. And there,” she said, clicking on the screen to zoom in, “There’s the heart.”
Tears stung Samantha’s eyes and she squeezed her friend’s hand tighter. “So, it is real,” she breathed.
She studied the screen as the tech clicked on different areas and typed notes on the screen. She was looking at her baby. Her baby. She knew it would be an amazing experience to see her baby for the first time, but she hadn’t expected the emotions to hit her the way they did. Tears streamed down her face and onto the pillow behind her as she choked back sobs.
“It’s real,” the tech said as she wiped the gel from Samantha’s abdomen with a towel. “Looks like you are right at nine weeks. I’ll print some pictures for you to take home.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Samantha asked, sitting up abruptly. “I’m around six weeks, if that.”
The tech stared in silence for a moment before responding. “Well, they’ll likely go by this for dates, even if you are pretty sure you know the date of conception. Sometimes the ultrasound can be off by a little bit, but it’s accurate for development and estimating your due date.”
“So, it could be off by a few weeks?” Samantha asked.
“Sure,” she answered with a shrug.
Samantha got dressed in silence once they were alone in the room. She could feel Meka watching her, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She was too busy trying to digest everything that happened during the appointment. She looked down at the black and white printout of their little bean. After carefully placing it in her bag, she opened the door and walked out of the office with Meka following behind her. The next OB appointment had already been scheduled, so she bypassed the front desk and headed straight for the elevator.
“Are you okay?” Meka asked once the elevator doors closed.
Samantha’s breath caught and she was unable to control the waver in her voice. “No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I need a minute. Just—please give me a minute.”
Samantha pushed the lobby doors open and rushed outside to the sidewalk, the cold air a welcome distraction. She took a few deep breaths until the chill made it hard to breathe. Once they made their way to the corner, Samantha stopped and turned to her friend.
“I didn’t know Bryce nine weeks ago.”
Meka gaped at her, confusion written all over her face. “Okay, then the ultrasound is wrong. You and Brandon hadn’t been on good terms for a while before he died.”
Flashbacks of being bent over the table as he forced himself on her paralyzed her. She choked out a sob at the possibility that she was carrying that man’s child.
“Samantha? The tech was wrong, right?” Meka asked nervously.
Samantha did everything possible to ignore the nagging feeling that there was more to it than the ultrasound dates being slightly off. Silence did nothing to minimize the situation.
“It could be Brandon’s baby,” Samantha breathed, uttering the truth for the first time. “I didn’t want to—but—oh my god, what am I going to do?”
Stunned, Meka stared at her in silence. Her body began to tremble as she waited for Meka to say something. Anything. Anything that would make the nightmare stay just a nightmare. Closing her eyes, she took another calming breath, but when her eyes were closed, she was back in the kitchen with Brandon.
“I’m going to be sick,” Samantha said before running to a nearby trash can where she proceeded to vomit the small amount of food she had forced down before her appointment.
“It’s okay,” Meka said from behind her as she held her braids back and rubbed her back soothingly.
