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With a quiet laugh, Samantha opened the door and walked into the house. Asher, of course, acted like they had been gone for hours. He came bounding down the hall and leaped into Samantha’s arms, nearly knocking her down in the process.
“Hey buddy,” she crooned as she scratched the dog’s ears. “It’s okay, you just saw us. Settle down, man.”
Bryce watched in amusement from his place on the couch. Once Asher finally calmed down and found something else to do, Bryce greeted the women.
“You ladies okay? It’s freezing out there.”
“Yeah, we’re good,” Rayelle answered in a sing-song voice. “I just needed to grab something for Samantha real quick. We’ll be right back.”
Samantha gaped at her. What a way to make things obvious. Technically, it probably shouldn’t have been a secret. A pregnancy scare was between two people, but she wasn’t ready to share any of it with anyone. The secret wouldn’t last forever no matter what result they ended up with, but she wanted to keep it all to herself for a while. She wanted to be able to process it in her own time, which she couldn’t do with people breathing down her neck.
“Pee on this,” Rayelle instructed once they were alone. “Two lines means yes, and one line means no.”
“I don’t think you realize how many of these tests I’ve taken. I could take and read a pregnancy test without even opening both eyes.”
Rayelle looked at her with raised brows. Most people who didn’t realize Samantha and Brandon had been on a fertility journey, were either shocked by the unexpected information or were confused by statements such as that one.
“Were you trying for long?” Rayelle’s question was one of understanding. That could explain the pregnancy test she carried with her as well as her reluctance to talk about it. Samantha just hoped Rayelle would decide to talk to her about it in time. Talking about it was the one thing that could have helped her get over their failure to conceive. She knew now more than ever before that having people to turn to was more important than she ever realized.
“A while,” was Samantha’s simple response. “But I’m sure it was probably for the best. Everything happens for a reason.”
“Are you just regurgitating the cliché phrases people love to recite when they find out about things like this, or do you actually believe it?”
Rayelle didn’t bother waiting for Samantha’s response. She shoved the test into Samantha’s hand before pushing her toward the bathroom. Samantha didn’t bother trying to come up with any smart remarks. Obeying her friend, she took a direct route to the bathroom.
As soon as she closed the door and looked down at the pregnancy test in her hand, old feelings of dread washed over her. She’d taken so many tests—gotten her hopes up so many times. Yet, this time felt different. Whatever the results, this time would be different, and she knew it with every fiber of her being.
Chapter 20
Two lines. Two fucking lines. She walked into the bathroom expecting to feel the same disappointment she had felt so many times before and was prepared to stuff it down and enjoy the rest of the Christmas Day festivities. What she wasn’t prepared to do, was look at the two lines on the test and then carry on, business as usual.
After washing her hands, she took several slow breaths as she attempted to stop the tremors that ripped through her. Years of hoping for a baby. Years of negative tests and months of injections, doctor’s appointments, and hope only to have it all come crashing down with one phone call. The phone call talling her to get to the hospital. The phone call leading her to find out that Brandon was dead. She never really mourned the loss of him; it was the loss of the future she had envisioned for herself that she’d spent her nights crying over.
Without realizing what she was doing, she walked out of the bathroom, stopped just shy of the living room, and watched as Bryce and their friends sat watching TV. They sat there like nothing life-changing had just happened. Rayelle leaned against her husband, both completely focused on the movie as Bryce scrolled his phone. As if sensing Samantha watching him, Bryce looked in her direction. His eyes locked on hers and he immediately sat up straight.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
He was on his feet beside her before she had a chance to respond. Without a word, she reached out her hand, showing him the positive test. So much for keeping it to herself as she processed everything. His breath catching in the start of a gasp was the only sound that reached her ears. Everything else was silence, and everyone else might as well have disappeared.
With a firm hand on her lower back, Bryce led her to the bedroom. As she focused on his touch, the sounds of the house seemed to return, and she was reminded that they weren’t alone. They needed to be alone for this conversation.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked as soon as the bedroom door was closed.
Warm tears ran down Samantha’s face before she even realized what was happening. Looking at those two lines had caused numbness and shock to wash over, and it was Bryce’s voice that caused the reality of the situation to smack her in the face. Taking in a ragged breath, she tried and failed to find words.
“Shh,” he soothed. “It’s okay. Why are you crying?”
As if she knew why she was crying. She was feeling too many things at once and couldn’t even begin to label them all.
“I don’t know,” she sobbed. “This is just…too much.”
Bryce shifted back as if stricken by her words. “Okay.”
She hadn’t meant anything bad when she said it was too much. It was just the only way she could begin to explain the way she was feeling. Her emotions were too much. The situation was too much. Everything was just too much.
“I’m not making any sense,” she explained. “I’m sorry. It’s not too much as in I can’t do this anymore. That’s not what I meant.”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. Your feelings are your feelings. Just tell me what I can do.”
