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The same was true for angels in Heaven. They drew their strength from this realm, and going to Earth for too long would diminish their powers.
I hadn’t known before I’d gotten here whether my angelic heritage would be enough to sustain me here in Heaven. It had been a bit of a gamble, and it would have added a complication if I’d found that I’d need to return to Hell in between to recharge my energy. I should probably have been fine for two to three weeks, same as the amount of time I could spend on Earth before I’d feel a significant drain on my powers, but it was good to know I wouldn’t have to leave my mission here at all to replenish my energy in Hell. If things did take longer with Zoe, I’d be perfectly fine hanging out here.
“I feel a steady undercurrent of energetic feedback,” I said. “It feels different when I’m on Earth. There, the sensation is like being cut off, and it’s palpable long before a true drain on my strength sets in.”
Naamah nodded. “I know what you mean. Well, I’m glad this is working as we’d hoped.” She huffed, a sardonic smile on her face. “This might be the only good thing that’s ever come out of your father having been an angel when he sired you.”
I uttered a dry laugh. “True. This wouldn’t be possible if he’d been a demon.”
It was a strange kind of blessing, a weird twist of fate.
“And how’s your demon side doing?” She tilted her head. “Are you feeling any strain suppressing it?”
I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck to get rid of a kink in my muscles. “A little.”
I’d lived perfectly fine with my angel side suppressed for thousands of years and had never felt so much as an itch of it wanting to surface, but for some reason, it was different the other way around.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that I’d denied my angelic heritage from the very start, the burning hatred I’d felt for my father fueling the fervor with which I’d pushed it deep down, never acknowledging it. That part of myself had never gotten a chance to manifest, whereas my demon side had been dominant since the beginning, meaning it’d had millennia to shape my self-identity and entwine itself with every aspect of my being.
I’d been working on switching which side I stifled and stuffed down for years now, but a mere couple of years of practice were nothing compared to millennia. It still felt off, and it definitely required active effort on my part to keep up the suppression of my demon nature. I could sense that darker power writhing in my core, quite different from what my angelic energy had felt like when I’d repressed it. I’d gone centuries without feeling a twinge from that power, and at times, I’d completely forgotten it was even there.
The same was most definitely not true for my demon energy. Far less manageable, it did not seem content to be shoved down into the darkest recesses of my being. Instead, it reared up again and again, pushing to the surface, and every time, I had to focus to wrestle it back down.
Naamah regarded me with a pinch of concern on her face. “Maybe you should take a break and go to Earth, release that side of you for a while.”
I gave a single, vehement shake of my head. “No. I won’t leave here until she remembers.”
“You have several hours every day where she can’t be here because she’s working. You could easily use that time to fly to Earth and seek relief from that pressure.”
“And travel all the way to the gate again, and go through it, twice, risking exposure?” I leveled a hard look at her.
“I can pull some strings again to make the gate safe for your passage, same as I did before.”
“I know you’ve got a good network of trusted people here,” I said, my voice rough, “and that you’re able to use your influence to smooth the way for me, but that setup is not infallible. With every move I make outside this cave, I roll the dice, inviting discovery. No, your resources notwithstanding, it’s better I keep my movements outside to a minimum. I can handle my demon side.”
Her brows drew together. “You’re playing a dangerous game, son. Should your demon energy slip its leash and emanate from you, there’s no telling the consequences. There has never been a demon in Heaven. This realm is not made for that power. Chances are the second your darker energy touches this world, it will be felt like a shock wave, and you’ll be exposed anyway. Either you risk discovery by traveling through a gate to release your power on Earth, or you risk it by having your demon energy break free because you lost your grasp on it.”
I clenched my jaw so hard it hurt. “I’ve got it under control.”
The look she sent me was doubtful.
CHAPTER 12
Zoe
Over the next few days, I kept meeting Aziel after my work shifts were done, the connection between us growing with every encounter. I hadn’t known it was possible to be so utterly infatuated with someone, to have my heart jump out of my chest at the sight of him, to hang on every word he said, to anticipate falling into his arms with such ardor that it robbed me of focus for anything else, and to dread having to leave him again when our time was up.
And still, even with the inevitable goodbye I had to say every day before returning home, those days were the happiest of my life because the time we did spend together more than made up for the pain of parting.
He’d started bringing me thoughtful gifts, like new magazines from Earth, books, and all sorts of food goodies—he’d introduced me to carrot cake, which had become an instant favorite for me—and he’d even procured a TV and a Blu-ray player, powered by a large battery, along with several movies. We’d watched a few already, snuggled up on his cushion, and each time, we’d ended up not even paying attention to the screen anymore because other things had become much more interesting yet again.
Of course, we did train, even if just enough not to run afoul of his paying back the favor, but mostly, we fell over and into each other more times than I could count. I’d had no idea how much of a sexual creature had lain dormant inside me, even with those explicit dreams I’d had, until he’d brought it forth and nurtured it to monstrous proportions. I couldn’t get enough of him, of his touch, his taste, of feeling the heat of his body wrapped around mine, of the exquisite pleasure he gave me.
He’d also added a vibrator to our bed play, using it quite creatively to drive me to even greater heights of ecstasy.
We’d pretty much explored all there was to explore short of actually sleeping together, which was something he stubbornly refused to do, much to my chagrin. He’d said it was about wanting me to be more than ready for it, and giving me time, and not wanting to rush things. I was about ready to rush my fist down his throat if he didn’t go there soon. I’d already asked him, had given him crystal-clear signs that I wanted this…and still he held back.
Besides my own mounting frustration over not taking that ultimate step of being together, I couldn’t help feeling some tension from him as well. Especially over the past two to three days, I’d had the sense that something was brewing in him. It had almost felt like he, too, was frustrated somehow. I wondered if it had to do with us not sleeping together, but it didn’t make sense. He was the one who insisted on dragging it out, so if that was what caused the tension in him, he should just go ahead and fuck me already! I wanted it!
