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And I floated up, complying. He snapped his hips, and was inside me. We both shuddered at that feeling of wholeness, of completion, of homecoming.
He thrust in and out, using the water to buoy his movements.
"You feel so good, Isha. So, fucking good. I can't get enough."
I couldn't focus on his words. His movements were jerky, and my cries filled the silent night. I didn't care if there was anyone around who saw us or if someone heard us. It didn't matter. There was just Rowan and me.
After, he had another surprise in store, a sauna right next to the hot springs. Getting inside after being in the biting cold was heaven. I sat down on a bench, feeling luxuriously warm.
The outer room of the sauna had towels, and he brought them in as he did our clothes so they could get dry since we'd left them outside.
"This is new as well?"
"Yeah. I wanted to give you this experience. Give you…make it good for you. Show you Montana the way I should've last time."
I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he draped an arm around me.
"You showed me Montana last time. It was wonderful."
"Until I fucked up?"
"I don't want to keep going to that part of our past," I told him seriously. "There were good times, like swimming in the lake, going for a walk, a hike. You taught me how to ride a horse. You gave me my first orgasm with a man."
"All your firsts with a man," he growled.
"True."
"You regret it? That first time with me?"
I nuzzled his shoulder. "No."
He looked down at me, forcing me to look at him. "You don't? You don't wish you'd never set eyes on me?"
I shook my head. "I treasured it. Made me feel pathetic, but I cherished that night. Yas said that love was blind, deaf, and sometimes stupid; and that it was okay for me to love you. She's the one who told me to write to you and Ace, and close the chapter. I was just going to send the money back with a post-it note saying, ‘fuck you’."
He chuckled. "I wish I'd been able to meet your Yasmine. I have a lot to thank her for. Being your family, giving us Flora…."
The way he always kept my daughter in mind was heartwarming. He was already thinking of Flora as his; I knew that. I'd seen it. He never suggested that she not be around when he came over. He wanted her with us. He'd insisted that we take her on some of our Sunday dates when she wasn't seeing her grandparents.
"If we don't work out, it'll hurt Flora."
"We'll work out."
"How are you so sure?"
"Because I'm not giving up. You don't understand, Isha. After seeing the shitshow my father and Deb's marriage was, I promised myself that I would not fuck my life up like that." He stroked my back as he spoke.
"And now?" I really, really wanted him to say he wanted to fuck his life up. But I didn't want to hope, even though he insinuated how he wanted Flora and me in his life. Because if he was just playing—and I wasn't sure why he would be—it would destroy me.
"Now? I want everything with you and Flora. Every fucking thing. You're the first and only woman I've ever loved. Last time, it was love, lust, and infatuation. Now that I know you, I love you more, not less."
"I love you more, too," I admitted.
"Yeah? Baby, why don't—"
"I need time," I blurted, not wanting to hear what he would say. If he was accepting me as a life partner, I wasn't ready for that; if he was rejecting me…well, I wasn't ready for that, either. "I grew up without people…my people. I'm not used to relying on anyone. It's always just been me and Yas. And now I have Flora."
"You have Mick and Arturo, Sal and Bea. And you have me."
