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“My mom didn’t do the knee-highs. I had to put my own spin on it.” Instead of wearing my hair down, I have it in a high ponytail with a white satin ribbon tied in a bow at the base. “I wanted to rock the same vibe, but make it my own.”
“I’m liking the red lip too.” Her smile is knowing as she points at my mouth. “You never wore such a bold color before. Are you trying to get Silas’s attention?”
I press my red lipstick-covered lips together, hopeful I’m not blushing. Finally, she says his name out loud. Silas. Silas Fortner. My sixteen-year-old self was madly in love with him. Well, maybe not love because that’s a strong word and emotion, but I definitely had a huge crush on him for almost the entirety of our sophomore year, and I thought he felt the same way about me.
Oh, at first he was completely oblivious. I don’t know how he didn’t see it because I pretty much followed him everywhere, laughed extra loud at his jokes and always tried to sit next to him during lunch, during class, in the library, any chance I could get.
Eventually, he started to notice. We would talk. Conversations in the hall, or in class. Sometimes after school. We started hanging out together during lunch sometimes, which Iris barely tolerated because I don’t think she likes him that much. We’d even message each other at night, especially toward the end of our sophomore year. We’d send each other funny memes or videos, but it never went beyond that. We weren’t confessing any sort of feelings toward each other, and he never asked me to do anything with him, like a date. I’d hoped he was into me, but nothing ever happened.
Like … nothing at all.
He’s nice. Polite. Handsome. Comes from a good family and that’s important to me. For whatever reason, I always found myself clamming up every time I was around him though. Like I would stutter and everything, which Iris thought was just hilarious.
I can’t wait for her to fall head over heels for some poor soul. She claims no one interests her, but I don’t know. I think she likes to throw up walls and pretend nothing affects her because she wants to protect her heart. I might do that too, but in a different way—she’s bold where I’m hesitant. Loud where I’m quiet. I let some people—a particular person—get too close, and then he disappeared. Iris wouldn’t have let him get close in the first place.
“You think it’s too dark?” It’s a classic red shade from Chanel that my mother has always worn, and since we have the same coloring, she told me it would look good on me and I believed her.
Now Iris is making me self-conscious. I’m not one to wear such a bold color so this feels like I’m making a statement, which I guess I am. I haven’t been here for a year and now I’ve returned. Iris and I plan on fully ruling this school, but I don’t know. Maybe I’ve lost some of my power because I’ve been gone. People might’ve forgot all about me.
“I love it. It looks good on you.” We both pause as she reaches for me, rubbing at the corner of my mouth with her thumb. “You had a tiny smudge.”
“Thank you,” I murmur just as we approach the double doors that lead into the auditorium. Plenty of other students are ahead of us and we’re all in a line, shuffling inside. “I hope this assembly doesn’t last too long.”
“They’re not dry and boring like Matthews’ speeches were, so don’t worry. It’s going to be fun.” Iris hooks her arm through mine and we eventually enter the cavernous auditorium. She drags me to the senior section and we settle into the front row, dead center, practically having to crane our necks to see the stage directly in front of us.
“Couldn’t we sit a couple of rows back?” I glance over my shoulder, doing a double take when I spot Silas ambling down the walkway, heading straight toward us.
I quickly face forward, my cheeks going hot, my heart starting to race.
“What’s wrong?” Iris glances in the direction where I just saw Silas, but she keeps looking, not really saying anything at all.
“Stop staring at him,” I practically hiss at her, embarrassed. “Please.”
Her gaze shifts to mine and I see the uncertainty there. Alarm bells start going off in my brain. “What is it?”
“Um … you’ll never believe this, but.” She bites down on her lower lip for a brief second. “Alana just appeared at Silas’s side and now they’re … holding hands.”
I whip my head around to catch Silas and Alana walking side by side down the aisle, my gaze dropping to their connected hands. Their interlocked fingers clutching tight. I lift my gaze to their faces, noting the way Silas is staring at her, a dazed expression on his face. As if she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever witnessed in his life.
My heart crumbles into a million tiny pieces. Seriously?
Seriously?
“Did you know about this?” My voice squeaks. My heart pounds. God, if Iris knew all this time and never told me …
“No, of course not! You know I would never keep something like that from you. I had no clue. She pretty much ghosted me the last month of the summer, but I figured she was out of town. I only just heard from her last night.” I glance over at Iris to find her staring them down with narrowed eyes. Her Iris-is-pissed expression is in full force. “Did she conveniently forget you had a massive crush on him and that you two were talking?”
“I’ve been gone for a year.”
“Doesn’t matter. She stole your man.” We both turn in our seats and face forward. “If she even dares to sit close to us, I’ll—”
“You’ll what?” I rest a gentle hand on Iris’s arm, noting how tense she is. “Are you going to beat her up for me? Come on, Iris.”
“It’s such a bitch move on her part.” Iris shakes her head. “What kind of friend does that?”
I barely look over my shoulder just in time to watch them sit to the right of me, three rows back but still in the senior section. She won’t even look in our direction, though I’m sure she saw us. Silas is oblivious, too enamored with Alana to care. He’s currently reaching out to touch her cheek, but she bats his hand away.
My heart hurts for him, which is dumb. But I would never push away his touch. I would welcome it. Revel in it because that’s all I want. To find a great love like my parents did when they were in high school. To find someone who falls so madly in love with me, he can’t see anything else. And I’d feel the same exact way. Just completely gone over him. That’s what I want more than anything else, and I believed I could find it with Silas. I guess I was wrong.
