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“Dude!” Moby called just before Sterling got through the bunk room door. He paused. “Just don’t miss out on something when it’s so close. You know, that whole thing about not missing shots you don’t take and all. You feel me?”
“Yeah,” Sterling muttered, continuing on through the bus. Chuck and David were sleeping, or at least had their curtains pulled in front of their bunks. His room was empty and he could hear Morgan and Reese still in the lounge. Just the lilt of their voices, peppered with laughter.
Having to fake this thing with Morgan had strangely forced Sterling to confront the all-too-real feelings that he had for Reese. It was Reese he wanted snuggled into his side, not Morgan. He could still remember the way it felt to hold her on the balcony in Atlanta. That felt like years ago instead of a week. It was Reese’s hand he wanted to hold. Her face he wanted to see looking up at him with adoration.
Every time he finished a show and saw her face beaming at him from the side of the stage, it was all he could do not to grab her and claim her as his with a kiss.
With Morgan, he felt nothing but a severe need to escape.
Moby wasn’t wrong. Sterling didn’t know why he was resisting. Even though Reese said she was on board with this fake relationship, he had seen her hesitation. It had hurt that she hadn’t offered to be his fake girlfriend. But he also knew that her job made it tricky.
It still felt like rejection. Sterling couldn’t remember the last rejection he had faced of any kind. No one said no to him. Which made Reese pulling away feel like a cruel betrayal, even though it was far from that. He needed to remember that. She had also said yes to going to L.A. tomorrow. His heart beat faster just thinking about that. Two whole days with Reese apart from all of this.
I want to go, she had said.
Not, I will go. Or even, okay. She had said she wanted to go. With him.
With the baby-daddy story circulating and the new publicity about his “relationship” with Morgan, Sterling needed to be even more careful than usual. Travel would be more complicated. Typically, he could do the hat-and-sunglasses thing and go out in public. This might require a bit more discretion.
It helped that some Hollywood actor had wrapped his car around a telephone pole. He walked away, but his actress girlfriend had been injured, so that was the big news of the week. Sterling didn’t want to be thankful for something awful like that. But it did take the heat off him. He knew that being a rock star would mean being in the public eye, but the gossipy part of the public eye repulsed him. Both bad press like the pregnant fan and “good” press about his relationship with Morgan felt invasive to him. He just wished that he could make music and ignore everything else.
The lounge door opened as Reese and Morgan stepped through the door. Reese gave him a small smile and kept walking. His eyes followed her out. Morgan sat down on the bed across from Sterling, pulling her knees to her chest. She wasn’t smiling.
Curled up like that, she looked small and vulnerable and reminded him of the girl he grew up with. It softened his heart a little. He knew she was taking one for the team with this fake relationship thing and he hadn’t made it easy on her.
“You okay?” he asked. Morgan nodded, but didn’t speak. Sterling sighed. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a jerk.”
“You hate this,” she said. Not in a hurt voice, but a matter-of-fact one.
“I don’t hate you,” he said.
“But you also don’t like me like this.”
“It’s fake, Morgan.”
“It is,” she agreed. “Hopefully, soon we can break up or fizzle out and you can go back to being alone without the public pushing its way into your life.”
“I thought you said we had to keep this up for the whole tour.”
Morgan laughed. “We’re on day one and it’s freaking miserable. You think we’ll be able to pretend for the rest of the tour? No way.”
Sterling had known Morgan for half his life, even if they hadn’t been close or seen each other as often over the past few years. Sterling had suspected from time to time that Morgan might harbor feelings beyond friendship. Their lunch date earlier that day, arranged by Reese in a very public restaurant, made this very clear.
Before they left in an Uber, Reese had given them instructions, which felt very much like a mom sending two kids on a date.
“The purpose of this is to be publicly visible as a happy couple,” she had said. “That doesn’t have to mean a lot of PDA. Keep to your contract. Remember that you guys are old friends. I’ve seen you joke and laugh and enjoy each other as friends. Do that. Maybe with a little hand-holding. Or leaning close. Pull the chair out for her. Touch her back as you walk. It’s simple things, small things. And try to relax.”
Sterling knew that last line had especially been for him. He had been tense before they even got in the Uber. Meanwhile Morgan was especially peppy and held his hand even when no one was looking. He thought her bright mood was just to draw him out of his equally dark mood, but as the date went on, Sterling realized with a jolt that it was because she truly wanted to be with him. On a date.
Morgan beamed when he put his hand on her lower back as the waitress walked them to their table. When he pulled out her chair, she tilted her chin up to him, looking through her lashes. She took his hand on the table as they looked through their menus.
It was the first time Sterling found himself nervous around Morgan. She had said yes to this idea because she wanted to help. Made it sound like she was doing it for him. But he knew it was more. By the time they left the restaurant, Morgan was leaning into him and looking up at him adoringly, even as teenage fans mobbed them on the way out to the Uber back to the tour bus.
As he stared at her across his room now on the bus, he didn’t know what to say about this. The fake relationship or her clearly real hopes. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want to date her. Hopefully their friendship was strong enough to last through one fake relationship.
“I’m going to L.A. in the morning.”
“I remember. It’s on my calendar,” Morgan said.
