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“I want to come. This is important and I want her to know that I care. I want to help.”
He could almost feel the shift in tone before his mother spoke. “I really don’t think it would be a good idea. May is making her choices, but the impetus for all this was your career. You being here might really set her off. I think she holds a lot of anger. Negative emotions are not a good thing in these kinds of situations.”
“Have you asked her how she feels? Or is this just what you think?”
“I think I know what’s best for May. You haven’t been here for us in years. It would be disruptive to pretend like you are actually part of the family.”
His hand gripped the balcony railing tighter. Though he had well-developed callouses from playing guitar for years, after a show—especially the first few on a tour, his hands were a little more sensitive. Not sore, but just aware they’d been used. The metal railing dragged over his skin and he felt a sting of pain.
“Just text me the info and I’ll make sure it’s paid for.”
“Take care, James.”
“Sure, Mom.”
He heard an intake of breath, like she might say something else, and he hung up the phone before she got a chance. Sliding the phone into the back pocket of his jeans, Sterling leaned his elbows on the rail. The suite, nice as it was, looked over a parking lot. The tour bus was in back, parked over almost a whole row of spaces.
A couple argued down below and Sterling watched as they emerged from the building and walked out to a car, gesturing with their hands. He couldn’t hear the specifics, but recognized the tone. When they got to the car, the man suddenly turned and wrapped the woman up in his arms. They stood there for a few seconds, quietly hugging. Then he pressed his lips to her cheek and held the door open for her. Sterling saw a flash of a smile on her face under the harsh parking lot lights.
Most people thought arguing meant that you didn’t get along. Lots of people avoided arguments and conflict. Sterling knew that arguments were actually a sign of love. You cared about someone enough to get passionate about what they were doing, saying, or feeling. His conversations with his mother weren’t arguments like that. They were one-sided. She created a boundary or wall and he butted up against it until he gave up. It wasn’t the same. There was no hug or kiss at the end, no promise of love.
The balcony doors opened behind him. “Sterling?”
He had forgotten for a moment about Reese. He didn’t turn. “Yep.”
“I think we’re probably good for the night. I was going to head back down to my room and get a last good night of sleep before I’m tucked into the coffin bunk on the tour bus.”
“Okay.”
Sterling knew he was being short with her, but he couldn’t shake the bitter taste in his mouth. A nice, normal woman like Reese didn’t deserve the hell he’d unleash on her life if he dated her. It was out of the question.
Maybe she wouldn’t end up like May, but Sterling had seen the way being linked to him had impacted people. It wasn’t healthy for them.
Reese put a hand on his arm. The touch jolted through him and his whole body stiffened. She hesitated and he thought she might pull away, but she leaned closer instead, pressing her palm against his forearm. That simple, kind touch conveyed a whole host of emotion. Sterling turned his head away, staring over toward a fast-food place next to the parking lot.
“Do you want to talk?”
The question almost broke him. If she had asked if he was okay, it would have been different. That was a common question and an easier one to wiggle out of, pretending things were fine. She skipped right over that, sensing that he wasn’t okay and offering him an outlet to talk about it.
The moment stretched out while he debated, feeling like a much longer time than it realistically could have been. Sterling felt poised on the edge of something, like he had to make a choice right now. Either choice would change things.
“My sister, May, she’s … addicted. Pills, alcohol, I’m not even sure what. My mom is staging an intervention for her.”
“When do you have to go?”
Sterling’s smile was bitter. He looked down at his hands when he answered. “They don’t want me there. My mom was just calling to make sure I could pay for rehab.”
Reese pulled her hand away and Sterling instantly felt disappointed. But relieved, too. He had shifted into that dangerous place where he felt like he didn’t deserve anything good. Only pain. Loneliness. Harsh treatment. She should pull away. She should just go.
But then Reese ducked under his arm, standing between him and the balcony. He straightened in surprise and saw her determined expression before she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest. It only took a moment for his arms to drop over her. He put a palm against the small of her back and another closer to her shoulders where it tangled immediately in her hair. It felt just as silky as he had imagined. He closed his eyes and dropped his cheek to the top of her head. She smelled like toffee and springtime. She smelled like hope.
They stood like that for a few minutes, not even moving when a car alarm blared down below. Sterling didn’t want to break the embrace. He might scare her off. It felt fragile, like this moment wasn’t to be trusted or might be like early morning fog that burned off as soon as the sun rose in the sky.
“I am so sorry, Sterling. That must be so difficult. And it’s not fair that your mom doesn’t want you there. I don’t know your family dynamics, but that just sucks. She’s wrong. Your sister may or may not feel like she wants you there, but I bet anything she is desperate for you. You should just go.”
Her words settled into his chest like they belonged. They felt true and right and echoed what he felt too. But he was afraid. What if he showed up and May hated him? What if she yelled and cried and told him it was all his fault, the way she had when he last saw her? She had been fourteen and her angry, tear-streaked face was emblazoned on his memory. He could see his mother’s face too, jaw tight as her cold eyes pierced him with what looked like blame.
“I don’t think I can,” Sterling said. “They don’t want me.”
