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“I was on active duty when it happened.” I can do this. She needs to hear it. “Charlotte and I were married for three years. She was two months pregnant with my daughter when it happened.”
“Savage, you don’t have to?—”
“I want to,” I say, exhaling forcibly. “We lived in Coronado. Charlotte was an author, so she worked from home. She was intelligent and beautiful, but she liked to take risks. All kinds of risks. I let her do what she wanted, because I was a SEAL, and I couldn’t tell her not to be careless when I put myself in danger on a daily basis. I— But—” Another exhale. “She wasn’t adventure-seeking or doing anything crazy when it happened.”
Hannah tucks her hands under either arm and watches me, her bottom lip trembling at my pain.
“She was shopping at the local grocery store. Our grocery store. The one we went to every other week. It was normal. It was a normal day.”
“It’s okay,” Hannah says. “I’m here.”
I shake my head, holding out a hand so she doesn’t come any closer. She looks like she might try to comfort me, when this is my burden to bear, and I’ve already upset her enough. “It was only a couple of weeks after we found out we were having a baby. I’d put in for leave so I could come home and see her. She… She went into the store,” I say, and my voice shakes hard, “and some fucking piece of shit was in there, robbing the place.”
Hannah sucks in a breath.
“He turned the gun on her and shot her. In court, he said that he panicked. That he didn’t mean to pull the trigger, but she startled him. He got life in prison because of a plea deal. That motherfucker got life. He gets chocolate milk at Christmas, but my wife and child are dead, and I wasn’t there to stop it. I wasn’t there to protect her. I wasn’t there to be a man. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there.” The words repeat.
“Savage. Oh my God.” Hannah chokes up. Tears stream down her cheeks. “I am so sorry. I’m sorry I went into your greenhouse. I’m sorry that you lost her and your baby. I’m so sorry.” She sobs and bursts into tears, covering her face. She’s timid, she looks like she wants to come to me, but doesn’t.
I’m grateful because I don’t deserve her affection. “I wasn’t there,” I say, “and after it happened, I wanted to die, Hannah. I quit the SEALs, I joined a motorcycle club, and I started hurting people.”
“Savage.”
I shake my head. “Every man I hurt, I saw his face. He took everything from me. He took my soul. He took my heart. He took my life.” I’m breathing easier now. My cheeks are wet. “I am a broken man, Hannah. I have been broken for years.”
I get on my knees and crawl toward her. I stop in front of her.
She’s crying for me. Not for her. But for me.
She’s such a caring, loving person, and I’ve known that since the start.
“When I first saw you, Hannah, I couldn’t breathe. It was the first time I felt anything for a woman, for anyone, in the years since it happened,” I say. “But you were just out of college, young, and Cash’s sister. He saw how you affected me.”
Her eyes widen.
I have to get it out. The truth about her, about Cash, about Charlotte.
“I swore that I would never get involved with a woman again, because I am not strong enough to protect the people around me.”
“That’s not true. You teach people how to look after themselves. You?—”
I shake my head, on my knees for her. She gets onto hers as well, wringing her hands, tears streaking her cheeks.
“I was not strong enough to be the man I needed to be. And I’ve always been on the brink of this. Of another episode, of breaking down, of rage. I am not healthy,” I say. “And your brother knows that.”
“What has Cash got to do with this?”
“Because he saw the look on my face when I first met you, Hannah,” I say. “He saw how I lit up for the first time. And he made me swear that I would never touch you.”
“What?” Her tone is icy.
“He made me swear. And I promised him, not because your brother can tell you what to do, or me what to do, but because he saved my life. Because I owe him. Because he knows the type of broken I am. And because I have always known that I am not strong enough to be the type of man that you need.”
She’s stunned, staring at me like she’s never seen me before.
I wait for her gaze to turn cold. For her to reject me. For anger.
“I am sorry,” I say. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do… for you. Hannah, there is nothing I wouldn’t do. You make me weak.”
