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He wrapped an arm around my belly and pulled me close to him. And I stuffed down the urge to run away and escape as the inevitable guilt settled around me.
This was Lance. I loved Lance. We'd spent years just like this, cuddling on couches during group sleepovers in college. There was a time I’d wondered about the two of us. We’d always been so close and I knew what a great guy he was. And maybe I could have tried to love him, but we both deserved passion. Didn’t we?
I wish I just could have loved him the way he deserved.
To make matters worse, on paper Lance was perfect. My literal best friend. And he was handsome. The first night he made me popcorn, he didn’t have a shirt on, and I was somewhat surprised to see the six-pack. I mean, I knew he worked out, but I had no idea he was built like that. I just hadn't exactly put it together with him being hot.
After that night though, he always had a shirt on.
It didn’t matter how much I tried to see him differently though. The fact of the matter was that he wasn't Atticus. And once my brain settled and I was alert, even though the pain wound its razor-sharp way around my soul, all I wanted was Atticus's arms. His scent. His big hand molding over my breast. The thick length of him pressing against my ass. That was how I wanted to wake up.
Lance wasn't that.
And like true insanity, I was stuck in the same loop over and over and over again. As sleep started to tug at the edges of my consciousness, I told myself that tomorrow, I wouldn't need him.
Oh yeah, because that's going to work. Might as well face it. You will never, ever be over Atticus.
Chapter 8
GWEN
I had given serious thought to not going to work today. Just staying in bed. All to avoid a man. But that wasn’t me.
Yesterday had been an outlier. Atticus, then that thing on the platform. If I stayed in bed, the fear and anxiety would win. And I had work to do. I was here for a reason.
My ex-fiancé wasn’t going to get me off track.
Maybe a day off isn’t a bad idea considering someone nearly pushed you onto the tracks yesterday.
Okay there was that too. But truth be told, I was better off at work than I was at home, spinning. Besides, there was the chance that my post boning my boss misadventure was actually an accident.
Not to mention, work had been my solace, for years. Atticus wasn’t going to chase me away. I could do this.
But, as it turned out, all that anxiety and spinning from the morning had been a waste. I hadn’t even seen Atticus. By the time lunch rolled around, I was feeling way more even.
And by the time it hit four o’clock, I was on a high after fixing a pesky bug that had been plaguing me for a week. I almost found it hard to believe I’d even considered not coming in today. Yesterday had been an apparition.
Hell, if it wasn’t for my still throbbing pussy, I might even be able to convince myself it hadn’t happened.
I was in such a good mood, I even agreed to after work drinks with some people from the office. When Craig McIntyre, one of the senior software developers from our securities team asked me to join his group for drinks after work, I said yes. I never said yes.
But this was part of new Gwen. The Gwen who was actually moving on with her life, not just for pretend.
But apparently new Gwen was gullible. Because, somehow, new Gwen was on an accidental date.
“So no one else is coming?” I ventured.
He shrugged sheepishly. “No, Gemma and Aisling had dates, and Michael was knee deep in bug fixes, so it’s just us.”
Right…just him. Something told me he hadn’t bothered to ask the others.
Craig had even put on a tie. Where had he gotten a tie from? As far as I knew, he'd come straight from work. And last time I saw him, he didn't have one on. Damn it. This was why you didn't say yes to random men.
Damn.
He slid over the plate of tapas that looked like an oxtail dumpling. It was divine. Not as good as the one my mother made, but they weren't bad.
“Yeah, sorry the others couldn’t make it,” Craig said. “But I figured we could still have a chat.”
