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She squeezes my hand. “Or maybe it’s something you didn’t do.”
My eyes stay locked on hers. “What do you mean?”
“In church, I learned there are two kinds of sins…”
I let her continue.
“Sins of commission. And sins of omission.”
“What’s the difference?”
She fiddles with the silver rosary-bead necklace, the one with the locket. “Sins of commission are the bad things you knowingly and willingly do. Sins of omission are those when you fail to do the right thing when, in fact, you can. Like turning a blind eye to evil.”
Silently, my skin bristles. I am guilty of both. Sins of commission. And sins of omission. A shiver runs through me.
“What do you call someone who is guilty of both?”
Nurse Marley’s eyes bore into mine. A hellish fire circles her violet orbs. “Quite simply…a sinner.”
Sinner. The word sinks in under my skin and burns through me.
I am a sinner of the worst kind.
Thou shalt not…
I squeeze my eyes shut and hear Marley’s voice.
“Ava, closing your eyes won’t stop bad things from finding you.”
EIGHTEEN
AVA
The next few days sail by. Though the June gloom doesn’t lift, everything feels brighter. More hopeful. I’m not sure what Ned is paying her, but Nurse Marley is worth her weight in gold.
In addition to caring for Isa, she’s brought order to the house. Besides having a well-stocked refrigerator and pantry, the rooms are straightened up and you could eat off the floors—that’s how spotless they are. Despite his high-pressure job, a well-rested Ned’s been in his best mood since I got pregnant. And each day, I feel like I’ve been getting stronger. And spending more quality time with our baby when Nurse Marley is occupied with other chores or running an errand.
On the Saturday following Isa’s first wellness visit, Nurse Marley goes out in the morning to pick up more formula and baby supplies at the local CVS. Worried that taking Isa to the germ-ridden drugstore would be risky, she’s left her alone with me. Well, not exactly alone. Ned’s in the house, but he’s sleeping.
I’m in the kitchen drinking the protein shake Nurse Marley prepared when Isa, who’s parked next to me in her bassinet, wakes up from her nap, crying. For the first time since Marley’s arrival, I have the opportunity to feed my baby a bottle. I panic for a second, then jump at the chance.
A few minutes later, I’m back at the island with a warmed bottle of formula, feeding my sweet baby. Angling her head, just the way Nurse Marley does. Holding and feeding her comes so naturally. I love the way she feels in my arms. Her little body nuzzled against my bosom. Her silky head nestled in the crook of my arm. The way she stares up at me, clenching and unclenching her tiny hands.
I can do this!
Halfway through her feeding, a familiar raspy voice startles me.
“Hey…”
I look up from my baby. My heartbeat quickens. Striding my way is Ned’s business partner and best friend, Gabriel Lucas. Gabe. He’s wearing navy shorts and a worn IMAGE T-shirt, a tennis racket slung over his shoulder. A roguish red bandana circles his head to hold back his tousled, dirty-blond hair. Almost the same age as my husband, he looks younger because of his laid-back demeanor and boyish good looks.
“Hey,” I say back, trying to quiet my heart as he mounts the stool next to me. My eyes lock with his and we exchange smiles. His slightly crooked one is accompanied by an adorable single-sided dimple and a twinkle in his eyes.
Though I haven’t seen him since I went on bed rest, I instantly feel a rush of endorphins. I also feel more than a morsel of mortification, dressed in my ratty chenille robe and fuzzy slippers and my hair thrown up in a messy bun, no makeup. While I look more rested than I have in days, thanks to Nurse Marley, a glimpse in the bathroom mirror this morning told me I still look like something the cat brought in. My complexion is wan and there are still dark circles under my eyes. Plus, I’m still carrying unwanted pregnancy pounds. They haven’t magically disappeared.
His gaze stays on me. “It’s great to see you, Ava. You look…good.”
I roll my eyes. “I look terrible. You’re just saying that to be sweet.”
