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“Are you okay, Natalie?” asked Tanya, catapulting me back to the moment.
“Yes.” My voice unsteady, I willed away the horrific memory. “Your mother must have suffered terribly. Thank goodness you survived.”
“Papa told me I almost didn’t. I was a very sickly child…maybe because I wasn’t breastfed. I even got held back a year in school. I wish I’d had a mum, like you, to take care of me.”
A burst of maternal love erupted inside me. I took her into my arms and hugged her. “You poor thing. I wish I could have been there to take care of you.”
“Me too.” Her voice grew watery. “Natalie…I wish you could be in my life forever.”
“I will be,” I said softly, then broke away. “Come, let’s sit down for a bit. The weather is so beautiful, and my feet are killing me.”
A few moments later, we were seated on the grass on my spread-out shawl in front of Anabel’s tombstone. My shoes off, I had my legs folded under me. Tanya sat beside me with her knees pulled up to her chest. She tugged on the hem of her dress, then ran her fingers through her long blonde hair.
“So, tell me more about Anabel. What was she like as a child?”
Images from the past flashed through my head like a slideshow. The way she’d slept curled up, clutching one of her stuffed animals. Her first ballet recital. Her first-grade picture with her radiant smile and missing front tooth. Her first stage production, The Wizard of Oz, where she’d played the Wicked Witch and stolen the show. The day she’d made the cheerleading squad. Her many high school plays, which ran the gamut from Shakespeare to Broadway. While she was not without her faults, after she died I had what my therapist called “selective memory.” I only remembered the good things about her.
“She was a bright star. Literally and figuratively. Wherever she went, she lit up a room. People, no matter how old or young, were attracted to her. Her shining personality. She was always the center of attention.”
“That must have been hard for Paige.”
“Not really. Paige was somewhat of a loner and happily marched to the beat of her own drum. Despite how close they were in age, they were never actually close.”
“Did you love them the same?”
“You mean do I love them the same. I’ve never stopped loving Anabel.” I paused for a moment, pondering my next words. “The answer is the same, but differently.”
The truth: Anabel was always my favorite, but I wasn’t going to admit that. Maybe that made me a bad mother.
“Was Anabel as smart as Paige in school?” continued Tanya, stopping me from going there.
“Academics were not her strong suit. She had other strengths. Charisma. A joie de vivre. And she was a leader. Teachers and fellow students loved her. She was extremely popular…captain of the cheerleading team, and she was going to be prom queen.”
“Wow! Did she have lots of boyfriends?”
“I’d say she had lots of ‘boy friends.’” I separated out the two words and put air quotes around them. “Not one in particular. Every boy in school had eyes for her and wished they could be her boyfriend, but she preferred to keep them all at bay. She was a tremendous flirt and loved the attention.”
Tanya picked at a clump of grass. “What did she want to be when she grew up?”
“Something that her father wasn’t one bit happy about.”
“What?”
“An actress.” Always the drama queen. “From the time she was in kindergarten.”
“Seriously? That’s what I want to be! The drama teacher at school says I’m a natural. And guess what? I forgot to tell you, I got the lead role in the school play. I’m going to play Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. I guess the fact I’m British made me a shoo-in.”
I clapped my hands together with excitement. “Congratulations! That’s wonderful! I love that show and can’t wait to see you in it.”
Tanya beamed. “Thank you. I bet Anabel got her acting chops from you.”
I cocked my head. “What do you mean?”
“You know, being a trade show model. Demonstrating and pitching products is a form of acting. You have to pretend you love the product though you might not. And sometimes you also have to pretend to be someone you’re not.”
Another shiver ran through me. I’d been pretending my whole adult life. I was the best actress I knew. Like Henry Higgins (or more like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman), Matt had transformed me into a stunning sophisticated socialite and through hard work I’d mastered the part. To stay in my extraordinary new life, I could never let him find out about my old one. If he did, I’d take my final bow. The show—the pretense—would be over. The curtains would come crashing down. And stay drawn forever.
Tanya broke into my unsettling thoughts. “I think I would have loved Anabel. We sound so much alike. Like…kindred spirits.”
