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“Wow,” he said. “Sawyer, you really don’t remember?”
“Remember…”
His eyes widened, just a little. “You said all of this to me. Last night.”
I blinked at him. “No way.”
“You were on heavy painkillers, and you’d just gotten in a car accident,” Harlan said. “But yes. You said a lot of this. And more.”
“Holy fuck,” I said, sitting back on the couch.
“I didn’t want to just accept it, because I knew you were loopy,” Harlan said. “I didn’t know if it was real.”
I didn’t remember a damned thing about what I’d said to Harlan last night. I remembered the hospital, and remembered the feeling of utter relief when I’d seen him walk in. I remembered how good I felt once he was there, and how it felt like I finally had my person there, by my side.
But just now, I’d felt like something had cracked open inside of me emotionally. Maybe it had already cracked open last night, and it was only catching up to me now that I was clear-headed and confronted with reality.
I had things I needed to say to Harlan.
And they were all spilling out now, without any plan or control.
“But I’m not loopy now,” I told him, pulling in a deep breath. “And it’s real. It’s very real.”
He cleared his throat and smoothed a hand over his hair. I’d known him for long enough to see the signs that he was trying very hard to maintain his composure right now, but on the outside it was plain to see that he was freaking out.
Maybe freaking out in a good way, though.
He was blushing, just a little, actually.
“You don’t want to be casual,” he said, clarifying it as if it were as simple as making brunch plans. “Are you saying you want to… try to date, then?”
I held his gaze. “I’m saying I’m falling in love with you,” I admitted.
Maybe it had taken a close-call car accident to say it. Maybe it had taken far too many years for me to trust myself, to trust what I actually liked in life, and trust what I actually needed.
But it was worth it, to be able to tell my favorite person my truth, without a shred of doubt in what I’d said.
“Oh,” he said, frozen in place.
“I’ve always loved you. Obviously,” I said. “But I think I’ve been falling for you for even longer than I’ve been aware of. I’ve been crushing on you so hard I can barely control myself, Moose.”
I was shocked when I saw a couple of tears sliding down Harlan’s cheeks. At the same time as the tears started to fall, he also began to smile, shaking his head gently.
“I’m so glad I’m not the only one,” he said in a deep voice. “And I’m so glad you just did the hard work for me.”
I snorted, sitting up straighter on the couch. “Hard work? What are you talking about?”
Harlan tossed his head back, breathing deep. “When I saw you last night in that hospital bed I knew I couldn’t keep it from you any longer. I was going to tell you that I’m falling for you.”
Now it was my turn to feel like an animal frozen in headlights. “You were?”
He nodded. “Today. I was going to drive you home, then tell you before I dropped you off, so you could have time alone to process. You know, if you were… freaked out by it. Or disgusted. Or didn’t want to continue our friendship.”
I pushed myself up off the couch, sore muscles and bruises be damned. I closed the space between us and wrapped my one good arm around him, pulling him into the tightest hug I could manage.
“Never,” I whispered. “Never in a million years.”
“I’m in love with you too, Goose,” he said close to my ear. “God, so much, you couldn’t even imagine. In the split second when I heard about your car accident, I was so scared.”
“I’m so sorry,” I told him.
“Not your fault,” he assured me. “Car accidents happen. They’re just not allowed to happen to you ever again, okay?”
I puffed out a laugh. “Never. I’m here with you, Harlan. I’m not going anywhere.”
I pulled back and kissed him. He kissed me back so sweetly and gently, knowing to avoid the hurt side of my face.
“You? Crushing on me?” he said a moment later, pulling away to look in my eyes.
“You have no idea,” I told him. “The week of the blizzard, I was losing it. In a good way, mostly. The night I came to tell you I was fired from the farm...”
“You had a crush on me, even then?”
“I didn’t know how to put it into words yet,” I said. “But yes. Holy shit, yes. You want to know something funny?”
“Please. Anything.”
“I told my mom on the phone that I’m attracted to men. And she didn’t even seem to care.”
