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The smell of him, which was a scent that completely felt like home. It reminded me of all of the nights where I’d fallen asleep in his house. It reminded me of the years we’d spent in close contact on the farm.
It reminded me that no matter what ended up happening between the two of us, I was in good hands. What did I have to be afraid of?
“I want you,” I uttered.
“Need to warm you up.”
“I’m warmed up enough,” I protested. “You realize I’ve been fantasizing about your cock inside me for days? It’s not like I’m afraid.”
He squeezed my ass again. “Never knew you were so mouthy in bed.”
“Maybe you bring it out in me.”
“Mmm,” he moaned. “I like that a little too much.”
I shoved my ass backward against his fingertips. “No such thing as too much.”
The truth was that I hadn’t known I could be mouthy like this, either. I’d never been before. I’d also never begged or been as impatient, and I sure as hell had never felt like such a desperate, crazed freak with anybody other than him. He set something off in me. Something I was starting to think I liked a whole fucking lot.
He reached over to his bedside table, and even though I didn’t know much, I was pretty sure I knew what that meant. He pulled out a bottle of lube, and anticipation hit my whole body all at once. I raised myself up a little higher on all fours, anticipating him finally putting a finger inside me.
Instead, before he even opened the lube bottle, I felt his hands on my hips, guiding me to turn over. I flipped onto my back on the bed, looking up at him as he stood over me.
“But I thought—”
“Shh,” he said, holding my gaze.
The feeling of having his eyes on me in this position struck me. It was one thing to look into Harlan’s eyes on any normal day, getting lost in the warmth and kindness in that honey-gold color. But when he was standing above me at the end of the bed, looking at me like he knew damn well I’d do anything he said? That was another thing entirely.
I was intimidated. I was really fucking turned on. We were on his playing field, here. He knew so much, and I was a total novice.
And maybe that’s what was so freeing about being with him. I wasn’t even bothering to stop and doubt my skills because both of us knew damn well that I didn’t have any skills.
I could shut my own brain off. I could let him lead the way. And he was really, really good at doing that.
He finally cracked open the top of the lube bottle. I swallowed as I watched him slick his fingers, and they caught the light, glistening. He leaned over me, pushing my legs back and up, spreading them a little as he straddled me. He let his fingertip press against my hole, giving it the slightest push.
“There you go,” I uttered, my words coming out slightly breathless. I was trying to act more calm on the outside than I really felt. My body tensed up at first, not yet used to the feeling. But a moment later I craved more.
As he slowly pushed a finger inside me, I realized exactly why he’d made me flip over instead of keeping me on all fours. Right now, he was able to look in my eyes as he slid a finger inside me for the first time.
His eyes smoldered as he watched me.
“You,” he said, pausing a moment to let me stretch out a little more, “are so tight.”
“Better loosen me up, then,” I told him. “There’s no way I’m leaving here without getting to feel your cock inside me.”
He groaned deeply, biting his lower lip. “You want it that badly, huh?”
“I really do. Your finger feels really fucking good, actually—holy fuck—”
As I was speaking, he’d started to gently press a second finger inside. Just when I thought I’d gotten used to the feeling, it multiplied, sending me right back onto the line between tension and pleasure. I tightened around him.
“Relax,” he said. “Just try to relax. There’s no rush.”
“Easy for you to say,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut and breathing deep. “You don’t know how impatient I am.”
“Open your eyes. Look at me.”
I sucked in another deep breath and willed my eyes to open again. He was over me still, looking down, and I felt like there was some sort of electric tether between the two of us.
He was right there with me.
“It feels good,” I whispered as the tightness slowly, slowly started to subside. “Is your second finger all the way in?”
He smiled softly. “Not even to the first knuckle.”
“Fuck,” I hissed.
“We can stop anytime.”
“Don’t you dare stop,” I said, raising my eyebrows in a warning. “I want more.”
