He ran both of his hands through his hair. “The past few days have consisted of me being wildly turned on by the thought of what we did, then punishing myself for it in my head.”
Something swelled inside me. “Why on Earth—”
“Because I don’t know if I pushed too far,” he said, his eyes flaring wide. “You told me you were uncomfortable being so intimate with someone again. You seemed freaked out. I don’t ever want to—”
I cut him off by pressing my lips to his.
I grabbed the front of his work shirt, balling the fabric into my fist, pulling him as close as I could. It felt like he’d just struck a match, and instantly, everything inside me was on fire.
“No, Sawyer,” I said against his lips, pressing small kisses to the corner of his mouth, his cheek, the spot below his ear. “No. You could never, ever be too much for me.”
He moaned softly close to my ear and it was the sweetest sound I could have heard. I felt the gentle weight of his arms landing around my shoulders, and I swore I wanted to merge with him, to melt right into him and be as close to him as I could possibly be.
His lips met mine again and he opened his mouth to mine, sliding his tongue along mine. I walked him back along the deck until his body was pressed up against the outer wall of the brewery, pinned between me and the wooden wall.
“It was so good,” he murmured near my lips as I pulled away to take a breath. “The night of the blizzard. It was so goddamn good.”
Adrenaline coursed through my body, straight to my cock.
So he still didn’t regret it.
He still liked thinking about that night, just as much as I did.
“I know it was,” I said, running my thumb along his lower lip. “I’m glad you felt it, too.”
“But at the end of the night you were so… shellshocked, or something.”
I lifted an eyebrow, leaning back to look right at him. “Because I wanted you so badly it scared me,” I clarified. “And I don’t know how much you want. How far you’d even want to go. I’ve been friends with you for years, Goose, and how am I supposed to know? I want so much. I want too much.”
He sucked in a breath, leaning in to gently bite my lower lip. I groaned, feeling my cock pulse in response.
“Then take too much,” he said.
His voice was husky in a way I wasn’t used to hearing, and in a way that went straight to my dick all over again.
“You mean that?” I asked.
“You told me to be awkward, right? Well, I’m telling you right now that I want you to take too much. Because I want it just as badly.”
I ran my palm along his chest, leaning my forehead forward against his.
This all felt like a dream.
“If I don’t get back inside soon, Rush is going to wring my neck,” I said.
“If I don’t get over to the Fixer Brothers’ dinner table, Chase is going to hunt me down for more stuff to film tomorrow, and I’m not exactly in the mood for that, either.”
I held his gaze. “Come home with me tonight. After we’re both done with work.”
He cocked his head to one side, batting his eyelashes like he knew exactly the effect it had on me. “Only if you promise to fuck me.”
I groaned, leaning over and palming my aching dick. “You can’t do that to me right before I walk back inside. Holy hell, Sawyer.”
He moved in close to my ear, gently nibbling at my earlobe. “Yes I can. Because I really want to know what you feel like inside me.”
I pushed his shoulders back up against the wall, pinning him as I claimed his mouth again with a kiss.
“You,” I said against his lips, “are impossible.”
“I have no fucking clue what I’m doing,” he whispered.
“You’re making me so hard it hurts,” I said back, rutting myself up against his thigh.
“Some part of me feels like I should have done this a long time ago, then.”
I could barely process anything he was doing, let alone process that. Imagining a world where Sawyer would have done any of this, years and years ago, broke my brain in the most tantalizing way. There was no use thinking about it, because the past was the past.
But he still had no idea how much I’d loved him, and for how long. He’d always known he was my favorite person, but he didn’t know that he could have asked for more at any moment, and I would have happily given it.
“Inside. Now.”
“I think you should think about baseball or taxes or something for a minute before going in,” he said, running his palm over my obvious bulge beneath my pants.