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Right now I wished it was possible to punch that storm cloud right in the jugular, no matter how impossible that was. Nothing in the world was better than getting to have him at this dinner party, and I knew his new coworkers wanted him at any job site or anywhere else.
But I also knew how Sawyer had grown up. What his family was like. His parents and siblings had fancy houses and ate fancy food, too, even if they weren’t quite as wealthy as Kace Tomlin.
They had always made Sawyer feel like he didn’t quite belong with them. A black sheep of the family, even though he was the kindest person in his family by a goddamn mile.
Heat flared through me. I was pissed, now, not just heartbroken.
“Let’s head out back. I want to show you the pool and hot tub,” I said. People were starting to get up and filter around anyway, buzzing back and forth to the kitchen or the bar or the bathroom.
“I’m okay, Harlan.”
“Just come with me,” I said, a quiet desperation rattling around inside me. “Not gonna lecture you about my feelings. You already know. Let’s just get some air?”
Sawyer polished off what was left of the beer in his glass, then pushed back his hair with his hands. “Okay. Let’s see that hot tub.”
As we made our way into the living room, I put my hand at the small of his back. I slid open the giant glass doors that led into the backyard. It was like a resort in Kace’s backyard—stone pathways leading to lush foliage and a long infinity pool near the edge of the patio. The pool glowed blue tonight, gently illuminating the pine trees behind it.
The hot tub was on, creating plumes of steam in the cool night air. I walked with Sawyer just beyond it, to a place where we had a little bit of privacy.
“Damn. That hot tub rivals some small pools,” Sawyer offered.
“Sawyer,” I said, with a tone that I hoped was as full of love as it was concern.
“I know what you’re going to say,” he told me, pulling in a sharp breath as he looked at the steam coming from the hot tub. “I do belong here, everyone is glad I’m here, blah, blah.”
“That’s not ‘blah, blah,’ that’s the fucking truth,” I said, reaching out a hand to cup the side of his face. I tucked my fingers into his soft hair. He immediately leaned into my touch, nuzzling against my hand almost like a cat would.
I felt my cock harden under my jeans. A bolt of shame hit my nerves quickly afterward. I always felt a spike of guilt when Sawyer did things that got me hard.
But I was only human. And he felt far too good to touch.
“I know people are happy to have me here,” he finally said, clasping the back of my hand with one of his own. “Maybe you most of all, though.”
His face was lit up by the blue water nearby. Finally, out here with him, everything felt right in the world again.
“You’re damn right,” I said, my voice coming out a little gravelly. “Me most of all.”
“What the fuck would I do without you?” he asked, squeezing my hand a little harder before letting go.
“I think you’d be just fine,” I said. “Not that I want to downplay how awesome and helpful and what a great friend I am.”
He snickered. “And so humble.”
“Very humble.”
He let his gaze linger on me, holding eye contact in a way that wasn’t helping my erection to go away.
“Why do I suddenly feel like everything in my life has turned upside down over the past couple of weeks?” he asked softly.
“Because the job you had for over a decade is suddenly gone.”
“It’s not just that, though,” he said.
“Then what?”
He caught my eye. “I don’t know what the fuck I want,” he said. “Or, I do know what I want, and it’s confusing.”
“Like you usually want butter pecan ice cream and now you want mint chip?”
He pinned me with his gaze. “Like I want to kiss you again.”
I swallowed hard past the sudden tightness in my throat. In an instant, I was hyper aware of my hand on the side of his face, my fingers laced in that impossibly soft golden brown hair.
And I was acutely aware of how close he was.
“Oh. Okay,” I said, trying and failing to make my voice sound neutral, like he really was just telling me something as casual as what ice cream flavor he wanted. “Well—”
He closed the gap between us, pressing his lips to mine.
It was quick enough that my brain didn’t have time to catch up to what my body was doing. The moment his mouth was on mine, I wasn’t in control of myself for a moment, just like last time. I dug my fingers further into his hair and pulled him closer to me.
