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"It does." I know how revelatory it felt after I had been freed, how everything that I could suddenly do on my own, without fear of reprisal, felt like a gift. I'd run amok, drinking and smoking and gambling and living as hard as I could for a while, just to prove to myself that I could. "Do you need me to leave you? So you can keep exploring this new freedom?"
"Nope. I've proved everything to myself." She nudges my abdomen with one sock-covered toe and wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Does the mess in here bother you? Do I need to clean the place up before we start touching?"
Does the mess bother me?
Bother me? We could be surrounded by a Threshian army and I'd still want to touch her. A few wrappers is nothing at all. "I'm fine with it. I think it's cute that you're a mess."
"I fully admit that a few days I got into my sleep clothing early, just because I could." She wiggles her eyebrows at me. "It was nice to do whatever I wanted and no one would judge."
"Do you think people are judging you on the ship, then?"
"No, but it's different when you don't have to answer to anyone. There's a heady sort of freedom to it."
I know what she means. Even at the best of times, someone on the ship would crack a joke if you were in your pajamas early. Or someone would need the showers if you were in there for too long. Perhaps someone wanted to make a particularly smelly batch of noodles. Even if you get along with everyone on a ship, you're still living with several people. It's bound to feel a little constricting at some point. "I understand. Does this mean you don't want to go back?"
"I'll go back. I just wanted to see what this was like first." She takes another bite of dried noodles and then tosses the bag aside. "I'm only talking about the fun parts, anyhow. Truth is, the first night I was here, I was terrified."
My back stiffens and I feel a murderous rage coming on. "You mentioned it. Tell me more."
"Oh no. I know you. You're looking for someone to attack because I was scared." She wags a finger at me. "I recognize that protective look on your face. But it was no one. I scared myself. And after the first night, I felt better. No, strong. I felt strong. Like I could handle things, even if they frightened me. I'm glad I was alone."
I grunt. I don't like it, but as long as she seems happy about the situation, I guess it's not my place to complain. "If you say so."
"I do," she tells me cheerfully, and then sits up on the bed. Ruthie gives me an assessing stare that seems to look right through me. "If you don't mind me saying, how have you been this week? You look like hell."
"I've been a keffing mess. The female I love has been on her own for a week and I've missed her desperately." I manage a casual, crooked grin, even though my heart is thumping wildly in my chest. "I think I need you more than you need me, because I've been miserable without you."
"Aw. You say the sweetest things." Ruthie bounces off the bed and comes to stand in front of me. "Does it help if I say I missed the heck out of you, too?"
"A little." I pinch my fingers to indicate just how much.
"We'll just have to make up for the time apart," she says in a silky tone, her lips curving up in a smile.
"Now you're speaking my language." I reach for her, running my knuckles against her soft cheek. "You can ask the others. I've been an absolute monster to live with this week. I've been grumpy. I've snarled at everyone, even your sisters. I can't keffing sleep. I can't concentrate on work. My thoughts have been on you the entire time."
"Are you trying to make this sound worse so I'll kiss you more to make up for it?" Her hands stray to my belt and she uses it to tug me closer to her.
"Maybe. Is it working?"
"Maybe." That little smile dances on her mouth and she pops the auto-fastener on my belt, sending it slithering in retreat. "Oops, look at that. How clumsy of me."
I want to point out to her that there's no need to seduce me. All she has to do is blink and I'd be ready to go. Everything about her makes me crazy with need. But she looks like she's having fun, and I love her smiles more than anything, so I pretend ignorance. "Oh no, my belt. Fix it for me, please."
She snort-giggles. "You're a terrible actor. You know you'd sell it more if you didn't sound so wooden, right?"
