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Kazex cups my face in his hands and peers into my eyes. When tears spill out of them, he wipes them away with his thumbs and then releases me. "Scoot over."
"You don't have to?—"
"Hush, Ruthie. You need me and I'm here. It's as simple as that." He climbs into the narrow bed, slipping under the blanket as I move closer to the wall. Then we're both squeezed onto the small mattress and I can't help but press against him. There's no room to do otherwise.
I should tell him I'm fine. Tell him he can go back to the floor. I'm the weakest of women because I know I'm not going to say any such thing.
Kazex puts an arm around me, tucking me against his chest. "Better now?"
I nod. His scent envelops me, along with his heat. His strength. And I'm so much better that it's pathetic.
"You want to talk about it?" he asks, breath tickling my ear.
"God, no."
He chuckles. "All right, then. If I end up taking up too much of the bed, let me know."
I press my face against the crook of his neck, my arms folded against my breasts and my body pressed tight to him. It's not the most comfortable way to sleep but I never want to move from this spot. He'll never take up too much of the bed, because the simple truth is that I want him in here.
I should kiss him.
I should just put my mouth on his throat and kiss him. Kiss his jaw. Kiss that pointed ear of his. Kiss the tattoo that hides under his clothes. Run my hands all over his warm red skin and explore him.
But...then what happens? What if touching him changes how comfortable we are with each other? I want him, but not at the expense of losing my best friend and the person I depend on the most.
So I just burrow deeper against his chest and breathe in his scent until I drift off to sleep, contemplating a new facial piercing. Maybe a tattoo. Anything to make me look different than all the women that were in the tubes in my dreams...
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
KAZEX
I wake up the next morning, drowsy and comfortable, vaguely aware that Ruthie is curled up against me, her backside pressed to my cock. It takes a few moments before I realize that the trou I slept in are wet across the lap.
Kef. My dreams last night had been full of Ruthie. And they were excellent dreams. Too excellent, it seems.
I'm wide awake at the realization that I've come in my pants. I haven't done that since I first got off the anti-arousal meds they give to a'ani slaves. The first few days being off them had been utterly wild, but since then I've gotten better at containing myself. Ruthie's presence destroys my self-control. Carefully, I ease the blankets off of me and slide away from her. I want to get changed before she realizes anything, because explaining that I can't control myself is embarrassing. I don't want to give her a reason to think less of me, either. I want her to think of me as her strong, sure protector, not a naive a'ani who can't keep control of what's in his trou.
I manage to slip out of bed and walk two steps across the floor before I hear the breathy little moan she makes when she's waking up. Kef. Kef twice. I race the rest of the way to the lavatory and shut the door quickly behind me.
"Kaz? Everything okay?" Her voice is sleepy and soft, and my still-hard cock twitches in response.
"Go back to sleep," I call, stripping off my trou. "I'm going to shower."
The door opens to the lavatory and Ruthie slinks in. I barely manage to grab a towel to cover my loins. Startled, I eye her. We've always been careful to give each other space in the past. She's never followed me into the lavatory before, and definitely not when I'm naked.
But she makes no effort to leave, either. Instead, she hops up on the sink and crosses her legs, regarding me. "Can I watch?"
My brain must not be functioning properly. "Watch what?"
"You shower?" Her tongue teases that ring in her lower lip again.
Annnd there goes my cock once more. It stiffens right up once more, eager for Ruthie to watch me. Eager to perform for her. "Ah, I'm not going to be able to ignore you if you stay, Ruthie."
She shrugs, leaning forward and resting her hands on the edge of the counter. "I like looking at you. I promise not to touch."
"I'm hard," I tell her bluntly. "And it's not going to go down with you in here."
"Is that bad?" Ruthie looks up at me through her lashes. "I don't mind if you don't mind."
As if I would mind. Keffing hells. I drop the towel and let her get a good look at my naked body, then. Let her see everything. She can see all my tattoos that snake up and down the side of my body. All the scars from old fights gone wrong and a few that went right. She can look her fill at my cock, which stands erect and proud and stabs at the air. A'ani aren't known to be elegantly beautiful like the mesakkah or as strong as the praxiians, but I've got strong arms and a flat stomach. Hopefully she'll like what she sees.
