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"I'm surprised at all of this," Ruth-Ann admits. "Why did I think you and Kazex were already together?"
"Gee, I dunno. Because she wears his clothes and shadows him? Because he makes googly eyes at her every time she walks into the room?" Ruth is full of amused sarcasm. "Because it's clear to everyone but the two of them that they should be together?"
"It's...complicated."
"More complicated than letting another woman flirt with him because you're too chicken to do it yourself?"
My lip trembles and I'm on the verge of crying again. "It's not that easy."
"Why isn't it?" Ruth asks. "I'm genuinely curious."
I toy with the hoop that pierces the center of my lower lip. "I'm not settled in who I am like you two. Ruth-Ann is so confident in who she is, and so are you, Ruth. I'm just a mess. I worry that if I have feelings for him, that they're not mine, you know? That they belong to someone else."
Ruth puts her hands up. "Ugh, they're not my feelings. Kaz is nice in a little brother sort of way, but that's it. I'm very happy with my husband."
"And I don't like men," Ruth-Ann says, as simply as if we're discussing the weather. "So there's that."
"You...don't?" I turn to Ruth-Ann, surprised. "How did I not know this?"
She shrugs. "I thought it was obvious."
"Back to the subject at hand," Ruth says, snapping her fingers to get my attention. "Let's turn the tables. Do you have feelings for my husband? Either of you?"
"I just said I don't like men," Ruth-Ann reminds her, expression prim.
I search through my feelings, looking for the barest nugget of emotion when it comes to Straik, Ruth's mesakkah husband. I guess he's handsome if you like your men blue and with horns, but I don't feel anything for him. He's like...not even like a brother. He's like a classmate that you tolerate because he's always around. I try to imagine having sex with him and blanch. "No. No feelings."
"Well then, there you go. Whatever hots you have for Kazex? That's all you." She twirls a finger, indicating me.
I absorb this, feeling a little foolish at how upset I've been. How are they able to see things so clearly when I'm such a mess? Of course I'm not in love with Straik. Those feelings are all Ruth. And I'm not into women, so that's all Ruth-Ann. It makes me feel a little better, in a strange way, to realize that my feelings are mine and mine alone. "I guess I should have talked to you two about this earlier."
"See? Problem solved," Ruth says.
Ruth-Ann gives my shoulder a little squeeze. "Just because we're clones doesn't mean we don't have our own thoughts and feelings. Look at the crew. None of them are alike in personality."
She's not wrong. Kazex is laid-back and easygoing. Dopekh is gullible and somewhat emotional, going from one doomed romance to another. Sakkar is a sour puss. Erzah is a risk-taker and loves to come up with ideas. Aithar is an innocent sweetheart. Zaemen would forget his own head if it wasn't tied down. Jerzec is a flirt and a little ambitious. I can pick them all out by the tone of their voices. I know each one's tells when we gamble.
Why is it that this sort of thing is so obvious when it comes to the men and yet I'm so clueless about it when it comes to myself? Here I've been holding Kazex at arm's length for months and months because I've been stewing in worry. Now it might be too late. "So what do I do? He might be in love with Gia now."
"If he is, he sure got over you fucking quickly." Ruth makes a sound of disgust.
"He literally just met her," Ruth-Ann tells me with a frown.
They didn't see the way she flirted, though. I'm less angry with Gia by the minute and more envious that she's so confident to go after what she wants. "Okay, well, we've established that I'm a birdbrain who's in her own head too much. How do I get Kazex back?"
"Seduce him," Ruth says immediately.
"Fight for him," Ruth-Ann agrees.
"How?" I spread my hands. "I'm not seductive. I'm a mess."
"But he likes your mess," Ruth-Ann reassures me with a gentle arm squeeze. "He's made that clear. You might think you don't have yourself together, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's always looked at you as if you're the best thing since sliced bread."
"But it might have changed?—"
"It hasn't changed," both of my sisters say immediately.
"You don't know that," I protest.
"Feel him out, then." Ruth rubs her hands together, thinking. "As for how to seduce him, it's not difficult. Ask him for his help with something."
"Help with what?"
"Whatever will get you two alone together. Then you can, oops, drop your handkerchief and show him a bit of cleavage."
