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Quickly pulling on a cardigan, I went to let him inside. “Hi,” I breathed, taking him in. His coat was buttoned up to his chin, and he wore a black beanie hat that really suited him. The dark colour brought out his eyes. He lifted the cups, his expression questioning, and I stepped aside. “Please, come in.”
Shay moved past me, his eyes on mine as he entered through the narrow doorway, our chests almost brushing. I closed the door, slid over the lock and went back inside my flat. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was still early. I didn’t have to leave for the bus for another thirty minutes.
“Is everything okay?” I asked just as he pulled out a small brown paper bag and set it on the table along with the drinks. I could smell the rich aroma of coffee and whatever buttery pastries were inside the bag, knowing he’d gotten them from the place around the corner. My mouth watered as he patted the space beside him on my small couch and started to unbutton his coat before removing his hat.
“You brought me breakfast?” I asked, and he nodded, smiling gently. “Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you.”
Sitting, I picked up the coffee and took a sip. It wasn’t often I got to treat myself to takeaway coffee, so I tried to savour it, even though I was still nervous about why he’d come. My mind concocted all sorts of horrible ideas. Like what if he and Emer got texting last night and decided to give things another go? Or what if he couldn’t stop thinking about her all night after running into her?
Shay removed a croissant and placed it on a napkin before putting it down next to my coffee. There was something touching about the way he silently served me. We ate in quiet for a moment before he pulled out his phone. Anxiety thrummed through me because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear whatever he’d come here so early to talk about.
Still, I took another fortifying sip of coffee while Shay began to type.
“Nigel called me late last night. He said the two of you spoke.”
There was a question in his eyes as I cleared my throat. “Yes, he came to apologize for what happened that night. He admitted you were the one who suggested it. My neighbours, Bob and Siobhan, seemed to appreciate him coming to say sorry in person.”
Shay pressed his lips together, nodding at my response as he glanced down at his phone, almost like he was deciding how to word what he wanted to say next.
Finally, he typed, “He also mentioned you asked about Emer.”
A bite of croissant got stuck in my throat. I had to work hard to push it down before I answered, “Yes, I, um …” I trailed off, feeling flustered. Shay placed his hand on top of mine, and I blinked up at him. His eyes were full of sincerity, and a long moment passed before he returned to typing, “I’m never getting back with her, Maggie. Never. The possibility is less than zero.”
Oh, God. Nigel must’ve told him how pathetic I seemed last night when I asked about her. I felt like dying of embarrassment. Now Shay knew how terribly insecure I was.
“How can you be so certain?” I practically whispered.
“Because I know my own mind. I didn’t want to bump into her yesterday because she’s the kind of person who’ll ask to be friends, and I have no interest in any kind of relationship with her anymore. I knew that if I told her this, she’d get upset, possibly make a scene, and I wanted to avoid all that. When we spoke in sign language, she suggested we meet up for lunch someday, and I told her no. She tried pushing the issue when she told me not to be a stranger, and she knew by my lack of response I have every intention of continuing to be one. That’s why she looked so disappointed when she left.”
“I had no idea,” I breathed.
“I should’ve said all this last night as soon as we got back here. That was my mistake, but I’m saying it now. She’s out of my life, Maggie. She’s out of it for good. You have to know I’ve never felt for anyone how I feel for you. I want you all the time. You’re the only person I’m thinking about, and I wish you’d believe me because I won’t let you convince yourself of something that simply isn’t true.”
I stared at him, lost for words. His fervent reassurance caused a pleasant warmth to rush through me as I shifted closer, our knees touching. “Thank you for saying all that. I’m sorry for being such an insecure mess. I’m just terrified of having my heart broken. It’s why I’ve been alone for so long.”
