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Okay, I needed to get a hold of myself. As I’d said, he might’ve drawn me purely for practice. There might not be any deeper reason.
“It’s wonderful,” I replied finally, glancing at Shay. “Your son is very talented.”
Our eyes met, and again, I was back in his room, him hovering over me as we kissed. I wondered what might’ve happened if we weren’t interrupted? Would he have kissed me a second time? Would it have gone further than a kiss? Was that what I wanted? Was it what he wanted? After all, him kissing me might not mean as much to him as it meant to me.
“I didn’t know you were an artist,” Stephanie said, eyeing Shay curiously. I recalled Shay saying he thought Stephanie didn’t like him, but I didn’t get that sense from her. Her pretty brown eyes seemed open and friendly. There was nothing to indicate dislike.
Instead of answering her, he merely nodded and began eating his dinner. There was a flicker of hurt in her gaze when he didn’t try to converse with her further, but like me, she probably didn’t know sign language, and it wasn’t like he was going to start typing out a whole conversation during dinner.
I sat quietly next to Shay while Eugene, Rhys and Stephanie spoke about the upcoming Christmas season at the Balfe Hotel. Stephanie spoke of how it was the busiest time for her because they put together luxury packages for the guests. Shay rested his knee against mine, and I glanced up, finding his eyes on me. He smiled, then resumed eating, and my chest constricted as I wondered if he was thinking about our kiss. Perhaps he had been overcome with need, and it wasn’t about distracting me at all. It had certainly felt that way, his hunger, the way he’d cupped my cheek. I couldn’t stop replaying it my head.
It had been years since somebody kissed me, years since I’d felt so … so desired.
“I suppose they put on a big spread for the guests on Christmas day,” Eugene said to Stephanie, distracting me from my thoughts of Shay.
“Oh, yes, you should see the dinner they serve,” she replied. “It’s absolutely sensational.”
“I’ve invited Eugene and Shay to come stay at the hotel for Christmas numerous times,” Rhys put in. “But they always decline.”
“I can’t be letting myself experience that level of luxury,” Eugene countered with a chuckle. “I’ll get used to it, and then I won’t want to come back here to my humdrum life.” He paused, glancing fondly at his nephew. “Besides, I know the Balfes are like a second family to you. We get you every Sunday. The least we can do is let them have you for Christmas.”
“What about you, Maggie?” Stephanie asked, including me in the conversation. “What do you usually do for Christmas?”
“Oh,” I replied, dabbing my lips with a napkin, “Well, on Christmas Eve, I normally go to visit my half-siblings who live with their foster parents. I bring them presents, and we hang out. Then on Christmas day, I sometimes have dinner with my upstairs neighbour, Siobhan, if she isn’t going to see her grandkids.”
I sensed Shay studying me, and I suddenly felt embarrassed, belatedly realising my answer revealed more than I’d intended. It was only some years Siobhan stayed home on Christmas, and I typically spent the day alone. I flicked my gaze to the side and found Shay’s eyes on my profile. He rested his knee more fully against mine. I looked away quickly and shovelled some potatoes into my mouth. Glancing around the table, I saw Eugene, Rhys and Stephanie were all clearly trying to disguise their pity.
Was I really so pathetic? It was tough spending Christmas alone, sure, but it was far better than spending it homeless, which had been the case a few times in my teens.
Eugene cleared his throat. “If your neighbour isn’t home this year, you’re more than welcome to come have dinner with us. Ross and Dawn are hosting. They live just over in Drumcondra.”
“That’s very kind of you, but I’m sure Siobhan will be around.”
More than likely, she wouldn’t be, but it was a small lie to save my pride. I could tell Shay was still staring at me, but I refused to look at him.
“Well, let us know if you change your mind. It’s only November, but I’ve already ordered an organic free-range turkey for Dawn.”
“It’s never too early to order a turkey,” I replied with a smile.
We ate in quiet for a minute or two before Rhys asked Shay, “Did you check out that app I sent you?”
Shay shook his head, cast me a quick glance, then signed something at Rhys.
“I just thought it would be helpful,” Rhys replied.
Shay signed something else.
“Fine, don’t use it, then. It was only a suggestion.”
