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Only last week, I’d asked Shay for one of his paintings to hang on my wall, but I’d meant something he’d already created, something small. It took up almost the entire space. I was touched he’d overcome his hesitancy to share his work, that he’d made it … for me. It was a masterpiece, truly. I had no idea how he’d gotten into my flat, but I suspected Siobhan and her spare key had something to do with it.
Again, I was struck by the tenderness in how he’d captured me. I found myself lowering onto the floor and staring up at it, trying to decipher the meaning. Was there a meaning? It was beautiful, yes, but it was also imbued with … something. There was a palpable message Shay was trying to tell me.
I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there staring up at the picture when I noticed a small detail in the wing of a tiny brown bird. Standing, I stepped closer. Shay had written a message camouflaged into the feathered wing. I took me a moment to read.
Like the birds, she fascinates me.
I fascinated him?
Emotion wedged in my throat, and a tear trickled down my cheek. Goosebumps rose on my skin, while butterflies wreaked havoc with my insides. I never imagined anyone would see me as Shay did. I was resigned to be on the periphery, observing the world, alone in it. But then he came along and opened me up. He made me love him. Shay was so intrinsically himself it was impossible not to fall.
Without realising, I’d already picked up my phone. I was too emotional to call him, but I managed to compose a text.
It’s stunning. Thank u.
His response came soon after.
I love you.
A few moments passed, and I couldn’t hold back my reply.
Love u, 2.
Now, I was full on crying. A part of me wanted to go him. Run through the streets until I was at his door, but it was the middle of the night, and I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. A final message arrived.
I’ll pick you up tomorrow, drive you and the kids to see your mother.
His text reminded me of what lay ahead, and the butterflies that had filled my stomach suddenly had wings of sharpened steel. Tomorrow was going to be a rough day, and I was so thankful to Shay for offering to drive us. I needed all the support I could get.
C u in the morning then, I typed and hit send.
***
I set my alarm for a little later than normal because I didn’t have to pick the kids up until mid-morning. But even with the extra hours of sleep, I was still wrecked when I woke, my emotions conflicted. A part of me wanted to cancel and stay home, but the other part knew I couldn’t let Vivi down. She wanted to see Mam, and I promised I’d bring her.
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I took an extra-long shower, the hot water sluicing over me, scalding my skin. I blow dried my hair, put on some makeup and dressed in jeans and a warm cable knit jumper. Nothing could combat the dread in my stomach over seeing Mam, not even the beautiful artwork that hung on my wall. Art created by a man who loved me and who I loved in return.
I was no longer upset over the Nigel thing. My feelings had mended on that front. I just wasn’t sure how to communicate to Shay he didn’t need to continue bending over backwards for me. He just had to be himself. That was all I needed.
I heard Siobhan outside talking to someone. Peering out the window, I saw Shay had pulled up. He stood by the car, arms folded while Siobhan spoke to him. I quietly opened my window the tiniest bit to hear what she said.
“Did she like it?” she asked, and Shay nodded, but then shrugged as if to say, She likes it, but I’m not certain if it’s enough to fix what I broke. A hollowness filled my chest to see him so unsure. He had no idea how the painting made my heart soar, how I could barely stop looking at it.
“Well,” Siobhan replied, hand on hip. “If she doesn’t forgive you after seeing that painting …” Trailing off, she shook her head. “Maybe she doesn’t deserve you.”
So, it had been Siobhan who let him in last night. I’d have to have a word with her about that. Shay’s expression clouded, and I noticed Siobhan turn her head a little towards my window, a knowing smile tugging at one corner of her mouth. Damn, the woman had the hearing of a bat. She knew I was eavesdropping.
Easing the window shut, I went to grab my things. There was a gentle knock on my door a minute later. My eyes went again to the painting, affection for Shay tugging at me. I needed him to know how much it meant to me. I thought of the past week, how he’d been chauffeuring me to and from work, feeding me. And now that painting that was so full of feeling it was almost difficult to look at.
