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“Yeah, I’d like that. Like old times, right?”
“Like old times, little buddy. Our old spot?”
“Yup,” she says cheerfully, causing me to notice she didn’t sound like herself when she climbed into the truck.
I tune in more closely, remembering her change in mood earlier. Suddenly, I wonder if I should be taking her back to her mama’s after all.
“Anything exciting happen at work?” I ask, trying not to pry directly.
“Nope, not a thing,” she answers a bit too quickly.
She reaches to turn on the radio and my heart pangs as Lynn’s voice comes through the speakers. I purse my lips and change the station. I haven’t been able to listen to Lynn’s music since Donna told me she was carrying Scoot and Snacks.
I had been crushed. My exit had been planned. I had packed my and Jess’s shit, and I was going to leave. The craziest thing is, I can’t remember the conception of not one of my kids.
The cycle has always been the same. I get feed up, I make plans so me and the kids have somewhere to go. Then Donna claims she’s pregnant again.
That’s the main reason why this time we left that house with the clothes on our backs. I didn’t tell a soul my plans this time. I just loaded my crew in my truck, and we left.
I filed for the divorce the next day. Since, I don’t find myself alone in a room with Donna and I won’t eat or drink a damn thing she tries to give me.
By the time we had Bam, I started to wonder why I didn’t remember sleeping with Donna to create any of our kids. Once, okay, I was drunk off my ass with Jess. Scoot and Snacks, I had been sick with the flu.
I couldn’t remember my name that week and Donna had been clingier than usual. I didn’t have the energy to fight her off or to use a condom. Something I had gotten in the habit of doing when I had been trying to make our marriage work.
With Bam, I had been drunk after a night out with Cliff and Tom. I blame myself for that one. I should have gotten a room when Tom decided to hook up with that woman.
Not take an Uber home. I woke the next morning, knowing she got me again. I was tempted to get a vasectomy that very day. My mama was the one to talk me out of that.
I was twenty-six at the time and she didn’t think it was right. She had hopes that I’d end things and find the one someday and we’d want children of our own.
Lynn has and will always be the one. With her, I’ve always thought it would be instinctive. The moment I planted my seed in her I would know. I would have been present.
“Daddy, can I ask you something?” Jess says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Darlin’, you know you can ask me anything,” I reply.
“Do you remember when you would dance around with me to LG’s music? Why’d you stop? You don’t listen to her anymore either,” she says.
Well, I guess she could ask me anything but that. I can’t believe she remembers that. She was just a baby. My heart would ache something fierce, and I just needed to hear her voice.
I’d take Jess with me to my secret place where I used to go to think. While there, I’d dance to Cakes’ music and sing to Jess in my arms. I swallow hard as I think of how to answer this question.
“Yeah, I remember. I’m not sure how you do. You were probably around five the last we did that.” I chuckle. “LG’s music is something I have to be in the mood for. We were friends. Hearing her songs brings back so many painful memories.”
“Because of her sister? You were friends with her too, right?”
I nod, not able to speak the words and not wanting to go any deeper into the subject. Jess sighs.
“I just miss that. Her music always makes me think of those times. We were happy. When you danced with me and sang, that was a happy time for me.”
I get choked up, not sure what to say. Those were happy times for me too. We were away from Donna and her drama, and I was in the one place that still gave me hope—with the little girl I loved more than anything.
CHAPTER 5
Run Ins
Trevor
I probably shouldn’t be this disappointed that Cakes didn’t show up before Jess and I had to leave. I still have things to sort out in my head and a divorce to handle before I come face-to-face with her.
However, as we ride down in this elevator to leave, I’m in a sour mood. Moses was happy Jess and I stopped by. He looked tired and a bit gnat, but that spark was in his eyes, and the man kept saying how ready he was to go home.
