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I do.
And now I can see why the past week has taken such a toll on him. It’s not about me, or at least not entirely. It’s about Jack.
“Have you talked to the police?” I ask.
Nick scoffs, shakes his head. “Are you kidding? Jack’s eighteen. A legal adult who stormed out after a fight? They wouldn’t waste time tracking him down.”
“How about a PI?”
“I’ve tried but I didn’t have shit to give him. Where does he hang out? Who are his friends? Where would he go? I couldn’t answer a single question.” Nick looks at me searchingly. “How did I fuck this up so badly?” he asks.
“You just had a fight,” I say. Having to comfort Nick was the absolute last thing I expected to happen in this meeting but even though we’re not together anymore, I still care about him. My heart still breaks at the raw pain on his face.
“No, it’s more than that,” he says. “We’ve had too many fights. I was so wrapped up in work, and then I met you just when he came back into town. I didn’t make any time for him. Couldn’t even suck it up and go visit our father when he asked me to. And now…” He trails off, clearing his throat and shaking his head.
“But he’s fine,” I say. “You know that, right?”
“I don’t know what I know.”
I hesitate and then walk around Nick’s desk. It’s an invasion, crossing one more thick wall he keeps between himself and the world. Nick stiffens when he sees what I’m about to do, but he doesn’t stop me. I lean against it, looking down at him.
“Nick,” I say softly. “He’s just upset. He’s staying with friends. He’s not homeless. He’s not in any danger.”
He looks up at me, his eyes flashing. “You don’t know that!” he insists. “Those people he hangs around… They’re bad news. What if he’s… I don’t know… Trying heroin?”
“I doubt he’s trying heroin,” I say.
Nick rubs his eyes, head bowed. “He’s upset and alone and self-destructive enough as it is,” he says. “I wouldn’t put anything past him. God, I’m a terrible brother.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am,” he says. “And don’t try to make me feel better about it. I’m a terrible brother. And I’d be a terrible father. A terrible partner.”
I watch him for a long moment. I’ve never seen Nick act like this before. It’s like the foundations of his walls have been nuked and now it’s all falling to the ground. All the emotion he’s never allowed himself is spilling through the cracks. How the hell do I shake him out of this?
The answer comes to me, and it’s a risky one. But it’s better than nothing.
I cross my arms. “I never thought I’d see the day that Nick Madison threw himself a pity party.”
His head jerks up, disbelief shocking the pain off his face. Then he scowls. “I’m not throwing a pity party.”
“I don’t know what else you’d call this,” I say with a shrug. “But it’s pretty pitiable. Bad brother. Bad partner. Would be a bad father. Why don’t you just add in there you suck at your job? You’ve missed enough work recently for that to qualify.”
I hold my breath as he stares up at me, incredulous at my insolence. A weaker man would fold under my words, fall deeper down the well of misery. But Nick?
He stands. “That’s enough,” he growls. “You think just because we’ve fucked I won’t have security throw you right out of this office?”
“Hey I’m just repeating what you said,” I say, raising my hands.
Nick works his jaw, puts his hands on his hips. “I’m not bad at my job,” he mutters.
“Okay fine, but boy, as a partner? The worst. I’m absolutely not devastated at all that we didn’t work out.”
His eyes flash to mine and I lift the corner of my mouth in the smallest of smiles. He fights to suppress one of his own, shaking his head.
“I’ve never let anyone talk to me the way I let you,” he says.
“And I’ve never had to boot my own boss off his ass,” I say. “Look, sitting around here moping isn’t going to do shit. You want to apologize and be better? You need to get out there and find him.”
