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It felt like a punch to the gut. Usually, that knocks the wind right out of you. This isn’t the Mia I know, the one who lingered over meals, laughed, and threw her head back. Whose eyes met mine and spoke of a shared, unspoken language. I can't fathom what's changed, and that ignorance leaves me in a foul mood that I struggle to shake.
Today, under the vast expanse of the Montana sky, I'm trying to teach a teenage boy how to ride a horse. Usually, this is where I'd find my Zen, the simplicity of imparting knowledge, the joy in seeing someone connect with an animal so powerful and majestic.
But today, my thoughts are disobedient, wandering to Mia at every chance. I’m here, but I’m not here. I keep thinking, what went wrong? Did I say something, do something? Hell, not do something?
I replay our last few moments, looking for a clue. Our first kiss under the stars felt like a promise, a beginning, not an end. Have I misread everything? The thought that maybe she’s regretting us, regretting that night, gnaws at me. It’s a bitter pill, laden with doubts and what-ifs that no amount of ranch work can seem to quiet.
The teen I'm teaching, noticing my distracted state, makes a small mistake that I usually would have corrected with a patient smile. Today, my response is sharpened, and my patience is thin. I catch myself immediately, apologizing with a shake of my head. It's unfair to him to bring my turbulence into this lesson; into his learning.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," I admit, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling the tension knotted there. The boy, Ryan Whea, a regular student in my lessons, looks at me with a mix of surprise and something else—maybe understanding.
"It's okay," Ryan replies, brushing off my apology with a shrug. "Everyone has bad days, right?"
"Yeah, you're right," I concede, forcing a smile as I adjust the head harness on the old mare we're working with today. "Thanks for being cool about it. When you're ready, gently squeeze with your legs and guide her to walk. Remember, it's all about communication and trust between you and her."
Ryan nods, takes a deep breath, and does as I instructed. Sensing his newfound determination, the horse responds in kind, moving forward with a steady gait. Watching him, a sense of pride fills me, momentarily pushing aside the turmoil.
"You're doing great, Ryan. See, she can feel your confidence now," I say, feeling a genuine smile break through.
"Yeah? It feels... amazing," he responds, his voice laced with awe and excitement.
"Riding always does," I reply, watching him. "Everything else fades away, just you and the horse. Kinda makes you forget your troubles for a while."
Ryan glances back at me, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Is that why you do it? To forget?"
I pause, considering his question. "Sometimes, yes. There's peace in it - in the connection and trust you build. It makes the rest of the world seem a bit quieter, even if just for a moment. Not to mention the exciting thrill that comes along with it."
Ryan nods, understanding dawning as he focuses on his riding. As I watch him, I find a moment of clarity amidst my chaos, a reminder of why I do what I do, not just for the escape but for these little victories, these shared moments of triumph and discovery.
After the lesson, I find a moment of solitude by the fence, watching the horizon where the sky meets the land. Montana’s beauty has always been a salve, but today, it reminds me of the vastness between Mia and me.
I've got to bridge it somehow. I need to talk to her, clear the air, and find out if there’s a way back to how things were—or, hopefully, to something even better. I'm unwilling to stand back and watch whatever we have slip away without a fight.
But first, I've got to figure out how to get her to open up and share her thoughts. The idea feels like preparing to scale a mountain without a map, but I'm determined. Mia means more to me than I’ve even admitted to myself. It’s time to face this. Whatever it is.
I walk across the ranch, my boots kicking up dust with each step. The sun is high, casting long shadows that stretch across the open fields. It's quiet - the kind of silence you only get in places like this, vast and open. Mia’s next class isn’t for another two hours, and something about how our last conversation went has left me restless, needing to find her to clear the air between us.
I find her in her classroom, the door slightly ajar. Pushing it open, I step inside, the sound startling Mia. She spins around, her eyes wide with surprise and something else...fear? Nervousness? It’s hard to tell.
The room smells of paint and outside, of earth and grass from the nature crafts they'd been working on. It’s a cozy space filled with reminders of why I fell for her—her passion, kindness, and unrelenting dedication. But now, it feels like a canyon between us, and I'm standing on the edge, calling out with no reply.
"Mia," I start, my voice is steadier than I feel. "What’s going on? You’ve been avoiding me. If you...if you regret us, I need you to tell me." The words hang heavy between us. It’s a confrontation I've been dreading, fearing the answer might be the one thing I don't think I can handle.
She looks away, busying herself with tidying up papers that don’t need tidying. "Jake, it’s not that simple," she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
"It is to me," I press, unable to keep the edge of hurt and anger from my voice. "Mia, whatever it is, we can figure it out. But I was hoping you could talk to me. Please."
Finally, she turns to face me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. With a heavy, almost resigned sigh, she says the words that stop my world on its axis. "I’m pregnant, Jake."
Pregnant. The word echoes in my mind like a gunshot, leaving me reeling. For a moment, I could only stare at her in disbelief. "Are you...are you sure?" I manage to stammer out.
She nods, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off her nervousness. "I took a test a few days ago. I was late, and...and it was positive, Jake."
The emotions that rush through me are indescribable—surprise, fear, and an overwhelming sense of joy and wonder. Mia’s face is a study in contrasts – hope and deep seated worry. I take a step towards her, my heart pounding in my chest. "Mia, this...this is incredible. We're going to have a baby."
I watch Mia shrink from me, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, a physical barrier against her turmoil. "Jake, I... I don't know if I can call this incredible. It's unplanned and unexpected. I'm scared," she confesses, her voice a fragile thread of fear and uncertainty.
My heart aches at her words, at the raw vulnerability in her voice. I halt, giving her the space she's silently asking for, yet my eyes never leave hers, shining with a determination to bridge the gap her fears have created.
