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“Not my aunt and uncle. I was thinking about my parents.”
“Oh. You don’t talk about them that much.”
“I know. Most memories fade with time— but then others, you remember so clearly.”
I look out over the people milling around my mom’s backyard.
“Yeah, being here today, I keep remembering how much my dad valued this. We need to continue this tradition.”
Twenty-Two
Val
On the ride back home, my thoughts are so jumbled. I overheard what Chase said to one of the guys at the cookout.
I already knew how he felt about kids. One night after we got the backyard fixed up we were sitting out on the deck. We somehow got around to discussing children. Chase shuddered and said he wouldn’t know what to do with a kid. He felt he was too immature to raise a child. He didn’t think he’d be a good father. He was vehement.
So, why did his remarks bother me today? It’s not like we’re really married. Well, we are, but it’s temporary. This marriage will all be over in one year, and then we’ll get a divorce.
The sex has been so great. I’ve been sticking to our deal and just enjoying the pleasure we can give each other. In the back of my mind, though, I’ve allowed myself to believe that this could become a real marriage. How foolish. How naive.
I sternly remind myself: this has an expiration date. In one year, it will be over.
What guy wouldn’t be fine with great sex and home-cooked meals? Add in the fact there is no commitment after a year, and any man would jump at the chance. Wouldn’t they?
Chase and I have always gotten along— as neighbors and as friends. I mean, in a duplex, you have to get along with the person next door. I put up with the rumble of his motorcycle, and he put up with my plants and me. We’ve been getting along so well that I almost forgot it’s a fake marriage.
Fake. My heart sinks when I realize I want more than just sharing our bodies. I want it all. Love, a true marriage, and someday I’ll want children. I’ve always wanted kids. What if—
“We’re home, you coming in? You seem lost in thought. Still thinking about your folks?”
“Um... yeah," I feel like I need some time alone with my thoughts, "I need to get a few things from my apartment. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“No problem. Take your time. Let me know if you need help, though. Okay?”
“Thanks.”
I go into my apartment and look around. I used to love this space. Now, I just want to be with Chase. My apartment feels so cold and empty if he isn’t here, sharing the space with me.
Darn it. I need to protect my heart. When Chase walks away, I know it will break. I just can’t let it break me.
I spend a few minutes just moping around my apartment, looking at my things, and feeling sorry for myself.
I finally stop in front of my bedroom mirror.
Okay, Val. Time to put on your big-girl panties and get over this. Enjoy your time with Chase. Just protect your heart. You can do both. It will end in one year, but you’ll have an entire year of great memories to cherish.
I nod my head in determination and then paste a smile on my face and lock up my apartment to join Chase.
“I thought you needed to get some things from your apartment?”
“What?” I look down at my empty hands. “Oh, yeah. I was going to bring over some clothes, but most of them I don’t wear anymore, anyway.”
Chase wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “I know. I have to say I love the way you dress now.”
He’s sitting on the couch, so I walk over and sit down beside him. Instantly, his arm goes around me, and he pulls me in closer. If only this were real.
“I thought you might want to watch a movie. I put in the latest action movie. You good with that?”
