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“Sofas, chairs, magazines, television–”
In,
Out.
“Are you still with me, Samuel?”
“Yes, here. I’m here. It’s coming down. It’s-I can breathe. I can breathe.”
“Good, just focus on your breathing.”
I nod. My eyes fall closed as I continue the breathing pattern.
In.
Out.
“You’re doing good, Samuel. I can hear you breathing.”
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
“My breathing is better. My heart rate, fuck,” my watch is vibrating telling me it’s too high. “It's still elevated but it’s better than it was.”
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
“Check in, Samuel. What’s your color?”
In.
Out.
“It’s yellow-green. I’m-I’m okay. I’m coming down. Fuck, I haven’t had one in so long.” I wipe my forehead with my sleeve.
“You did the right thing. Even if it wasn’t me that answered, you would have been taken care of. I’m glad I was on call tonight.”
“Thank you, Dr. Williams. I need to schedule more sessions. I know I’ve missed several. I thought I was better because my girlfriend took the nightmares away and I haven’t had the urge to drink until I passed out, but it’s not fair for me to lean on her. I need to take care of myself for her sake.”
“I’m glad you came to that realization before things spiraled more out of control. Would you like to come in next week?”
Exhaustion. That's all I feel. My body is weak. That attack pulled every ounce of energy I had left. But I have to see her. I have to see Marcy.
I check my watch, seconds ticking by like slow heartbeats. Waiting for someone to come tell me that Marcy is in a room and that I can see her. The sterile hospital corridors echo with anticipation, the scent of disinfectant clinging to the air. If someone doesn’t come soon…my patience is already fraying at the edges, unraveling like a worn thread. I’ll go out there and demand some answers. Determination fuels my resolve, a fire burning beneath my skin. The need to see her is overwhelming, a tidal wave threatening to engulf me. I cling to the surface, trying to stay calm. Breathing deeply. Each inhale a lifeline, each exhale a prayer.
“Mr. Knight, if you want to come with me. Marcy is awake and in her room,” the nurse announced, gesturing for me to follow her.
“Thank you! I was about to come ask for information on her. How is she?” I ask as we walk through the bleak halls, passing random pictures hanging on the walls.
