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ROOM EIGHT: CINCHED UP TIGHT
CHAPTER 1
FLEUR
I keep the smile on my face and it’s only half fake, which is good considering the announcement my best friend just made. Pregnant. She’s pregnant.
I should have known because she’s glowing. Although, to be fair, she’s been glowing since she fell in love with the Falsini triplets and they claimed her as their own, even though Viola, the Guidice princess, was kind of the enemy. In the end, it didn’t matter to them.
They saw her for who she was.
I can’t blame them; she’s always been a force and a source of light. It’s hard not to see her. Yes, some people only saw her as some airhead little rich girl. Those are the people she wanted to fool, and they fell for it. It’s an act I use as well.
It’s easy to wade through the crap people in this world, the ones who will try and use you for what they think they will gain if you only show them who you aren’t and what they expect you to be. If they believe it, if they don’t look deeper, then you don’t have to invest time in them. Fooling people and training them to see what we want was our armor, but Viola doesn’t have to wear it anymore.
I still do.
No one sees me. Jealousy curls in my stomach no matter how much I try and push it away. It’s not fair to be jealous of my best friend.
We’ve been side by side for as long as I can remember, and I don’t begrudge her the happiness she’s found. I’m glad she has it. She deserves it.
I just can’t help but wonder if I deserve it to.
Maybe I don’t.
Or maybe it’s not up to me at all.
I don’t know and I’m trying not to care, but it’s difficult. Especially when I’m in the same room with Viola’s brothers. Leonardo, Giovanni, and Rocco are the sexiest men I’ve ever met, and I’ve had a crush on them for as long as I can remember. I figured it was just the crush of a girl when I was younger. Then as I got older, I saw being with the three of them wasn’t possible.
Three men, brothers at that, with the same girl? It was an impossibility.
Now that Viola is with her triplets, the burning ache of not having what my heart desires is back. It’s been there for months, even though I’ve tried to ignore it.
The problem isn’t being with the three of them anymore because I know it could happen and work. No, now it’s much worse.
They don’t see me. They never have.
At least, they don’t see me as anything more than Fleur Whelan. Best friend to their sister. The club princess of the Devil’s Saints Motorcycle Club thanks to my father Lucifer, the Prez, and my brother and VP, Prodigal.
I’ve never just been Fleur to them. I’ve never been a woman. I’ve never been my own person who has desires to fulfill and love to give.
I shuffle around the dining room table in Dante Guidice’s house where we’ve been celebrating Viola’s birthday over a decadent dinner. Dante is the eldest of Viola’s brothers and the head of the Guidice crime family while his brothers work underneath him in the organization. Men skirting the law and sometimes breaking it without remorse isn’t new for me. I might not have been privy to club business growing up, but I’m not stupid.
Now that Viola has been thoroughly kissed by her men and hugged by her brothers, I wrap my arms around her to give her my love, brittle as it might feel against my soul. She’s still the only person I know who understands me. She’s still the sister of my soul, no matter how hard it can be to be around her happy light which is fueled by a love I’m trying not to covet.
Not that I would want the Falsini triplets. I might like dark and broody—which the Guidice brothers are—but I don’t want my best friend’s men. I want my own. I want the ones who will never see me.
“Congratulations,” I whisper to my friend. “I’m so happy for you.”
From the way Viola pulls back and her eyes study me, it’s clear she heard the way my voice cracked a little bit. I’ve been trying to ignore the uneven ground while stumbling forward in my life. Apparently, I haven’t been doing a very good job.
“Fleur,” she breathes out and I shake my head.
“No, V,” my voice is fierce, but not sharp. “I’m so happy for you. You found something you didn’t know you needed with your men, and you fought for it just as hard as they fought for you.” My hand covers her belly which isn’t showing her pregnancy at all yet. “I can’t wait to meet my little niece or nephew.”
She smiles at me, but it doesn’t quite erase the worry for me in her eyes. “You’ll be the best aunt to our little one,” her voice is full of sincerity and has the backs of my eyes burning with unshed tears.
I’ve never been much of a crier. I didn’t have a lot of room for it in my life, not when I was surrounded by the club where strength matters, even when it comes to the old ladies and princesses. You can’t show weakness to your enemy. It’s something I know Viola understands.
