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I carry the guilt of wanting to take more from her than we could give ourselves. It was pure fucking selfishness that was behind my sin. Knowing it doesn’t make anything right and it doesn’t change the past.
She rests back against me, her body melting into mine as I cradle her belly in my hands, taking some of the weight off her back and making her groan softly. I chuckle and bury my face in her hair. It’s always so fucking soft against me and I love the way it feels.
“I’m sorry, Cherub,” I whisper against her skin.
She stills and stiffens, her voice coming out hoarse, “What are you sorry for, Poe?”
“Even though the night at Club Sin was one of the best of my life, it was selfish. We made promises we couldn’t follow through on, and I knew it. I knew it was dangerous to be together in a place where no one knew us, and we didn’t have to hide. I knew it would change everything. There was no going back to being a secret after that night. I knew, but I didn’t care because I needed to try and show you.”
“I was afraid to hope,” her voice cracks on the last word and it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest. She clears her throat and shakes her head slightly. “So, this is it then? Are all your pretty words and you finding me coming down to right now?”
“No,” I bark out the word, my hands tightening on her body because I’m afraid she’s going to try and step away from me and put distance between us that she probably deserves. “Since we’ve been here, every word I’ve said, every word we’ve said, has been the truth. You’re ours. Our old lady. We claimed you at the table and that shit can’t be taken back. We don’t want to take it back,” I’m quick to add in case she takes my words the wrong way.
She pushes me gently, a single word like a stone falling between us, “But?”
I take a deep breath and try to memorize the feeling of her body against mine. I won’t force her.
Even though that’s exactly what Scope thinks we should do. We were talking about it this morning after Heather left for work. His face was a mask of fury and determination.
“We can’t give her a fucking choice,” his voice was hard and unyielding. “We can’t.” His gaze was full of accusation as he looked between us. “We know her place is with us, at home. Where we can be a family.”
A huge part of me agreed with him and I found myself nodding. Viper didn’t look so sure, and it had my heart sinking. Wouldn’t it be easier to just push her and force her hand?
“We can’t take the choice from her. Haven’t we done that enough?” Viper looked fucking devastated.
“Maybe we aren’t giving her enough credit,” I voiced my deepest hope and wish. “Maybe she’ll choose us.” I glared at my brothers, “She’s told you both that she loves you. You can see she wants and needs us.”
“Maybe she’s happy here and that’s the fucking problem,” Scope pointed out, which was really fucking unhelpful.
The idea of forcing her pushes against my skin as I shake away the memory of the conversation and the doubt it causes to swirl in my mind. Making it so she’s at our sides sounds like a fucking dream. But will the future be as sweet if we fight dirty instead of letting her choose her own path?
I know I love the woman in my arms more than my own life. Does she feel the same for me? She hasn’t said those words to me yet, but I’ve been avoiding this conversation because of fear. Now it’s here and I can’t run from it. Our time is almost up, I can feel it, and something has to give.
“But,” I try and find my center which isn’t too hard because it’s in my arms right now—her—always her, “we can’t stay here forever. We need to go back. Lucifer has been lenient, but it won’t last forever. We have to make a decision.”
She turns in my arms, her hazel eyes looking up at me and trying to peer into the deepest parts of me. “I don’t want to manipulate your decision, Heather, but I could.” It’s a threat, we both know it is. I don’t know if I could follow through with it, but Scope probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. It’s better that I’m the one to have this conversation with her. “Please,” my eyes tear up and I know she can see the vulnerability in me, the need for her to choose to be with us instead of letting us walk away, “you ran when we needed you to stay. I know we didn’t come after you right away and I’ll always regret it, just like I’ll always regret not making sure you always knew how important you are to me, to us.”
“Poe,” she whispers, her hands coming up to cup the sides of my neck. My body lights up at the contact, my dick hardening to the point of pain in seconds, but now isn’t the time for that. “I know you guys came here hoping I would fall at your feet, and we could just go back to the way it was,” the pain in her voice slices through me.
“No, Cherub,” I insist. “We came here to bring you home, yes, but we never expected it to go back to the way it was. That’s why we claimed you. That’s why we’ve been having a house built. We never want you to be a secret. Never again. We want the world to know you belong to us,” I kiss her forehead and speak against her skin, “and that we belong to you.”
The silence stretches between us and I’m starting to kick myself for not going with Scope’s plan to force her hand and put her in a position where she can’t say no. It would be shitty of us, and we’d be making up for it for the rest of our lives, but then I wouldn’t be feeling this. Limbo. Purgatory. An in-between where there is no light or dark, where nothing exists but hope slowly dying as despair digs its claws in.
“Ask me,” Heather whispers.
I rear back from her, my eyes wide as I look down at her. Her face is an unreadable mask and I hate having no idea what her answer is going to be. Normally her face is so fucking expressive that I can almost read her thoughts. Not right now.
“Heather,” I barely push her name past my lips, “will you please come home with us? To New Orleans? To the Devil’s Saints? To the club? We will put our entire lives into making you happy and building a family you can be proud of, one that values you and always puts you first. You’ll have the support of the three of us as well as the entire club. You’ll never be alone. Please,” my voice breaks, “let us love you the way we should have from the very beginning.”
She closes her eyes and breathes deeply. It feels like the moment stretches and twists, it thickens the air around us making it almost impossible to breathe.
“I’ll go home with you.”
My eyes snap open and I’m not even sure when I closed them. I stare down at her and watch as a bright smile chases its way across Heather’s face. I blink at her as my mouth opens and closes.
I breathe, “What?”
With an arched eyebrow, her words are sassy as fuck, “I think you heard me, Bedlam.”
