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“No,” I whisper, and tears sting behind my eyes. “They’ve been looking for me, and I’m… the Family is still…”
I’m still the heir. That counts for something, right?
“Bullshit,” Kristof snaps. “They look for you because they need you for power, not because they care about you. Alena, you know this. Are you not happy here with me? Do I not do everything I can to give you the best life?”
“Yes,” I gasp. “It’s not you, it’s…” Words catch in my throat, strangling me as my heart beats faster and faster. How do I explain that the daunting thought of leaving the country, leaving behind everything I have ever known at the drop of a hat, is terrifying? That I had always assumed we would return one day together?
“Are you not fed and watered?” Kristof continues on, his voice rising as his anger increases. “Are you not trained well? Everything you told me about being here, about how willingly you would have come all those weeks ago, was it all bullshit? Have you been lying to me all this time?”
He’s in my face now, his eyes dark and angry, and I can’t get my mind and mouth to agree. This is too much, too fast.
“No, I never lied, I never—but Kristof, leaving my family behind and you won’t tell me why?”
“You were hoping they would find you, weren’t you?”
“No!”
“Just biding your time so you could escape.”
“It’s not that at all, Kristof, please!” I reach one trembling hand to him, but he slaps me away.
“Why the fuck would you want to cuddle at night if you were still holding onto hope that you could leave here, huh? Was it a twisted way to get my guard down? Stab me in my sleep?” He’s ranting now, his skin dark and his tone dangerous.
“No,” I gasp, and tears fall. “I can’t, please, I—you’re not listening to me, I’m not saying that. It’s not you, it’s my?—”
“Your family,” he spits. “I heard you the first time. Have you any idea what I’ve done for you, what I’ve risked to keep you safe here with me?”
“No,” I sob back. “Because you don’t tell me.”
“I’ve risked everything!” he yells, and then suddenly, he takes a deep breath and straightens up, looming over me. “I save you from your family, from Mikhail, and it’s not enough for you. You were sitting up here just waiting for the day your family came knocking on the door.”
“No, please! You’re telling me we’re leaving for halfway across the world and I–I’ve never even been out of the state, Kristof, please. I want to be with you, but what you’re asking scares me! Why are we leaving? What are we running from? It’s…” I drag a hand through my hair, pushing the towel away as I do so. I’m overheating and my heart is flying so quickly that I can barely breathe.
Leaving behind everything I have ever known in a split second is a sickening, terrifying thought, and here Kristof stands, interpreting my fear as betrayal.
In a breath, Kristof surges forward and his hand grasps my throat. I gasp, clutching at his wrist as he draws me forward and shakes me once.
“You belong to me. I tell you to do something, you do it. You want to hope you can go home? I am your home, do you understand me? Me. Not them. No one else.”
“Please,” I gasp hoarsely, but my voice fails me as tears pour. He talks, but he isn’t hearing me.
“Get. Dressed.” His eyes narrow. “I’d rather have you with me, hating me in Russia than leave you here because I know you, Alena. Just like everyone else, you’d tell me you love me and betray me in the same breath. All your promises hold no weight the moment you notice that this is real.”
My heart breaks.
29
ALENA
“You’re not listening!”
The words fall on deaf ears. Kristof releases me with a snarl, then he turns and strides from the room with the door slamming closed behind him. The sharp click of the lock sliding into place shreds my last thread of restraint, and my tears spill over.
Betrayal is not on my mind.
Fear is.
The daunting aspect of leaving behind this place I’ve been held for a month, of leaving behind the only family I’ve ever known and the only home I have ever had to fly halfway across the world. My stomach twists sharply at the very thought, and through my hot tears, I bolt toward the bathroom. Reaching the toilet just in time, I spew up a few painful mouthfuls of bile and slump down onto the tiles with my arms wrapped around the cold bowl.
