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“I don’t think anyone who likes you could think that,” I say firmly. “Maybe we will get lucky. I sure as hell don’t want to lose my virginity to Mikhail.” A cold shudder ripples through me and I pass the IDs back to Katja. If Mikhail’s forceful attempt at a kiss was anything to go by, I wouldn’t have a choice about my virginity where he was concerned. Not unless we do this. Sneak out, have a good time, and if the opportunity arises, then have our first times.
“Maybe that’ll be a deal breaker.” Katja chuckles. “If you can find someone tonight and lose it, then maybe Mikhail will not want to get married. Free you from this.”
“Oh, God, Mara would kill me.” The idea appeals, though, and I climb to my feet, brushing my hands down my skirt. “I just want someone who won’t know me and will treat me nice. An experience I’m in control of, y’know?”
Katja also climbs to her feet and adjusts her uniform. Then she gathers the cushions and begins to return them to the chairs.
“Okay, so. If your father is going to be busy with that meeting, that might work in our favor. All we have to do is find a way to call a taxi, but I have a plan for that.”
“A plan?” Moving to the window seat, I settle down and press a hand against the cold glass, cuddling my book to my chest. We’re so close to this night, so close to an amazing time, yet now that we’re hours away, nerves curl in my gut. Is it nerves from getting caught? Or because Kristof is here and isn’t factored into the plan?
“Petar,” Katja says and sits next to me, cracking open a water bottle. “I think he’ll let me borrow his phone. Then I can call a taxi and have it meet us outside.”
“Ahh, Petar. The one you don’t have a crush on?” I tease lightly.
“Hey! At least he’s not my godfather.”
“Touché.” I chuckle, then a deep sigh rises from my chest. “I really need this, Katja. I need something to give me life. Otherwise, I’m going to wither away. I hate it here, I hate this life, I hate everything. I just want…” Trailing off, words fail me.
Katja takes my hand and pats my knuckles. “Trust me. We’ve been careful. We’ve been thoughtful. We’re going to go out there and have the best time ever. We’ll be wild and–and sexy and bold and free, and then when we come back, we’ll have this good little secret to hold.”
“What if we don’t come back?” I glance at Katja as her brow lifts.
“Alena…”
“I mean it, what if we don’t come back?”
“You know we have to.”
She says what I’m thinking without really saying it. No matter what happens, even if we decide to stay out and run away, my father would find us. He’s the Pakhan, and nothing hides from him, not for long.
“I know,” I relent softly. “It’s a nice dream, though.”
“Nicer than Kristof?” Katja teases, trying to lift my spirits.
“Maybe.”
Katja quickly dissolves into hyping up our plan, talking about all the fun we can get up to, but despite my attempts to focus on that, her mention of Kristof has my mind wandering right back to my handsome godfather.
No matter how hard I’ve tried to derail that, I've yearned for him for a year. He claimed me the moment he kissed me. That rough, hard kiss has ruined me for anyone else, and even as we toy with the idea of finding men tonight, the truth in my heart is clear. No one else will compare. He’s ruined me for everyone else, yet he’s the one man I can’t have.
Somehow, I need to find someone who can make me forget him.
3
KRISTOF
Avoiding Mara becomes a challenge.
Rejecting her outright is too risky. She’d twist it too easily into my mistake of implying she wants anything from me, and given how Aleksander treats his daughter when she tells the truth, I’m under no illusions as to how well that discussion would go.
I leave her at the bar, but she follows with languid steps as if we just happen to be going in the same direction. It irks me more than I can put into words, so I take the only path I know she won’t take—down to security. Mara doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, at least not in the day-to-day running of things, and it’s the safest bet. True enough, her perfumed shadow vanishes when I take the turn down to the security complex, and I breathe a little easier.
Some of the political dancing in this fucking place is exhausting.
Inside the Head Security Office, all it takes is my presence for the three guards inside to vacate immediately. My reputation precedes me, and mostly, I enjoy it. This life is far from easy, and I know the rumors. Whispers in the shadows that I’m insane, that I have no leash holding me back and it’s only a matter of time before I snap. That kind of reputation is gold in the Mafia world and stops a lot of conflict before it even starts.
If only that reputation extended to my getting what I want.
