AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The one way my romantic, head-in-the-clouds mother and I were very much alike was in our shared love of weddings. Now that I made a good chunk of my income from wedding photography, I loved them even more. And today, I had my camera in tow for a perfect spring wedding gig I’d been looking forward to for months. A perfect combination of my interests. It also didn’t hurt that snapping shots of the beautiful grounds of the country club venue my clients had picked for their special day was an amazing distraction from all the messy, complicated, intense feelings I had swirling around in my head.
Hell, the tumult was in my body, too. Just as thoroughly as Logan and Nate had rocked my world in a physical sense, last night with Bennett had turned my emotional world completely inside out and upside down. There was no better time to focus on my passion, the dream I’d put on pause after the night Bennett and I had conceived our daughter, than right now.
I’d dressed the part for the Villanueva wedding. My navy blue floral patterned dress often hung at the back of my closet, untouched, but this was the perfect occasion to whip it out. Paired with some cork heels and more makeup than I usually bothered with for work, I was feeling every bit the fancy Queen Carla Ben had painted me as in Ella’s new favorite bedtime story. And Ella was dressed like a princess, too.
Because I knew the groom from an old restaurant gig and this wedding was child-friendly, the happy couple had allowed me to bring Ella with me on their day. It saved me the trouble of worrying about childcare, now that my mom wasn’t always around, and it made my heart smile to see her running around with other kids before the ceremony, taking care not to stain her lilac dress.
The wedding ceremony unfolded like a scene from a fairytale, just like the story Ben made up to help our daughter dream sweetly. The sun cast a golden glow over the lush greenery of the country club grounds, bathing the outdoor ceremony in a warm, ethereal light. As I snapped photos of the bride and groom exchanging vows, my heart swelled with emotion. Witnessing their love and commitment to each other reminded me of my own longing for a love that would last a lifetime. It was cheesy, but it was true. I was one of those girls who’d dreamed of my wedding since I was little.
I couldn't help but feel a pang of envy as I watched the bride and groom gaze into each other's eyes with adoration. Sure, I’d been shown a similar level of adoring attention lately, but I didn’t know where I stood with any of the men who looked at me with that level of heart-eyes. This low heart pain was a feeling I was all too familiar with, the ache of wanting something I feared I may never have. I had always dreamed of finding my own happily ever after, even if I didn’t believe in fairy tales. I yearned to provide stability and security for Ella, for myself. But now that I was entangled with two (three?) men at once, the prospect seemed more distant than ever. Christ above.
I pushed those stressful thoughts aside, focusing instead on capturing the love and joy of the newlyweds in my photos. As a wedding photographer, I had the privilege of documenting some of the most intimate and memorable moments in people's lives, and I cherished every opportunity to do so. This side of being a photographer was just as fulfilling to me as the "artsy" side I’d favored back in college—the unflattering portraits, the well-lit landscape shots, the still lifes I pretended to care about more than I really did. This kind of photography was a form of art in its own right, and it took an artistic eye to capture the raw emotion and beauty of human connection.
As the ceremony came to a close and the newlyweds shared their first kiss as husband and wife, I wiped away a stray tear that had escaped down my cheek. It was a bittersweet moment, tinged with happiness for the couple and a drop of sadness for my own melodramatic bullshit. I let myself wallow a little in it, but only inside. I refused to let my own insecurities dampen the light of this occasion.
Best man speeches were usually hit and miss. Luckily, Victor Villanueva’s best man was his father, a kindly older man from Venezuela who gave a lovely speech in English and Spanish to include both sides of this newly-blended family. I thought of the guys in my life almost against my will, thinking with a mental chuckle that Dwight would make an amazing best man to any one of them. His speech would make everyone cry, just like this five-two old man. It would be fun if I ever got to hear that speech some day.
After all the speeches and ceremony bits were finished, the party started. I mingled with the guests, snapping candid shots of laughter and celebration on the dance floor. Ella flitted around the reception with a radiant smile on her face, weaving in and out of the crowds and always coming back to tell me some update about the new friends she’d made among the guests. How lovely it would be to be able to give Ella siblings to play with someday. I wished for it hard as I watched her dance with a new friend, hand in hand and jumping to the beat of a popular wedding jam. It warmed my heart to see her so carefree and happy, and I thanked my lucky stars, every last one, that I was privileged enough to be able to include her in this, even if that dream of giving her a bigger family wasn’t on its way to becoming a reality.
As the evening wore on, I found myself lost in the rhythm of my work, the click of my camera shutter a comforting soundtrack alongside the shitty DJ’s generic music choices. When a slow song started and the happy couple began to sway together in the center of the floor, I made sure to take plenty of photos. This was the kind of moment I knew the couple would want to see for themselves after this whirlwind day was all over.
I was in the zone, snapping as many candid shots as I could get, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I whirled around and caught sight of something I’d never expected in a million years.
“Wanna dance?” Bennett asked me quietly, his expression almost sheepish. He stood before me in a well-pressed suit, a deep green tie bringing out the vivid shade of his eyes. Our daughter’s eyes, too.
“Are you… crashing a wedding? For me?” I asked him, my voice high in disbelief. He smiled and ran a hand over his slicked-back hair, careful not to disrupt the effort he’d put in to look nice.
“Yeah, Carly. I think I’d do just about anything for you, if you’d let me.”
My heart was thumping wildly in my chest, the sound almost drowning out the music. “I… I don’t understand.”
“Here,” he said, holding out his hand for me to take. “Dance with me. Please.”
I couldn’t say no to that. I slid my hand into Bennett’s, letting my camera hang from the strap around my neck in rest. I’d taken plenty of photos for now. Maybe this was an opportunity for my own romance to blossom. What better place than a wedding?
Bennett twirled me skillfully onto the dance floor, making me laugh a little breathlessly. Then, he pulled me close, one strong hand steadying me at the small of my back. He guided us in a slow, careful swaying dance, romantic and intimate, providing a perfect moment for me to rest my head against his chest. It felt like a dream, and that only became truer when he cleared his throat and started to speak.
“Carly, I’ve been thinking a lot. About you and me, and Ella, and… our family. And I’ve decided that no matter what kind of family it’s going to be, I want to be part of it. All in.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. But he didn’t give me a chance to even attempt a response because he kept talking, his words coming out in an emotional rush.
“I care about you so much more than you can even understand. Both of you, but this isn’t even just about Ella. It’s you, Carly. I liked you so much when we met years ago, and some part of that feeling never went away. Now that I’ve gotten to spend time with you, gotten to know the incredible woman and mother you’ve become since that night in college… I can’t just walk away, no matter the circumstance.
“If you feel even a fraction of what I do, and you’re interested in being with me, I want you to know that I’m down with taking things slowly. It’s what’s best for Ella, and for both of us. We’re still getting to know each other, and I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
I didn’t feel pressured at all. I felt understood. Safe. Valued. But one question was nagging at me, and I had to ask. “What about Logan and Nate? I care about them, too. And after everything, I’m not sure I can just… be without any of you. I can’t choose.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, and I pulled away from his chest to look up into his pensive face. He swallowed hard. “I won’t lie. It was hard to think about, at first. I never really thought I could be jealous like that before you. But I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t want you to share yourself with anyone else, I just… wanted there to be a place for me in the mix. As long as I have that, I think I can learn to share. If that’s what’ll make you happy.”
Fuck. Share. The idea of having some kind of claim on each of these three very different, equally amazing men, sharing my body and my heart with them, overwhelmed me with joy and desire. The possibilities for the future flooded my brain. Group dates and cuddling in a big, warm pile. Erotic adventures, each of them worshiping my body and wringing out every ounce of pleasure with their careful attention. The idea of being full of all three of them at once…
“It would make me happy,” I breathed, admitting it out loud even to myself for the first time. “But aren’t you afraid?”
“Of course I am.” He half-laughed, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingertips traced my skin on the way, leaving a tingling trail of sweetness in their wake. “I’m scared shitless, Carly, even now. I’ve never had a relationship like this. But you’re worth trying for, and just like when I went to Sierra Leone, I’m deciding to not let fear keep me from something that could be amazing. And I really think it will be. I have a good feeling.”
I had a good feeling, too. I kissed Bennett in the middle of the dance floor, living out the fairy tale he’d written for us, my heart full to bursting with joy.
The music eventually stopped, and soon, my work at this wedding was finished. After I’d spoken with the newlyweds about when their photos should be ready and took the final just-married shots of them leaving the reception together, I gathered Ella up in my arms and packed up my equipment. Bennett joined us, his two best girls, and the three of us headed home.
