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“Chicago,” he confirms. “Oh, and he’ll need to be there by the end of the month if he wants to keep his job.” He flashes me a wide smile.
Oh my God.
Oh. My. God.
Jeremy is moving to Chicago?
I know he will. His job means more to him than, well…most anything else in the world.
And if he’s the one who moves, he’s the one who loses custody.
It’s unreasonable to expect our son to travel to Chicago every other weekend, and I will fight that tooth and nail.
“Does this mean…we might actually be rid of him?” I ask hopefully.
“That’s exactly what this means, Jo.”
I squeal and toss my arms around Lincoln’s neck. He chuckles as an oof sound escapes him at the sudden impact, and then his hands move to my hips.
I realize what’s happening and back away quickly before he gets a good grip on me. Will he be able to tell I’ve put on a little weight in the last few weeks? My pants are already getting tight, and I guess it’s true what they say—that you show earlier with your second than you did with your first.
Which means I probably have all of another week where I can hide this.
“You did this…for me?”
“I did it for you and for Jonah. I love you both, and I saw how you both struggled every time he went over there. I couldn’t stand by and watch it every other week even if you don’t want me in your lives anymore.” His voice is low as he says the last part, and my chest aches that that is what he thinks.
“You love Jonah?” I ask softly.
He nods. “Of course I do.” His voice is low and gritty. “I would do anything for that kid—even risk giving up an incredible new tool that will be a total game changer for my entire team if it meant I’d have even a chance of having to work with his deadbeat dad. I guess I just never pictured myself as a father until I got the chance to hang out with a kid who made me want to be one.” He shrugs a little at the end with modesty. He has no idea that what he just said is one of the most beautiful things I think I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Jonah made him want to be a father.
Jonah once said to him that he wished he was his father.
Heat pinches behind my eyes at his words.
This baby I’m growing will be lucky to have him as her father…and Jonah would be lucky to have him as a stepfather—if that’s what he still wants.
He sighs since I have yet to reply to his words. I can’t seem to form any of my own other than oh over and over today.
“Well…I guess I’ll go.” He turns to head out, and my voice finally comes back.
“Wait.”
He turns back toward me with hope in his eyes and raised brows as he waits for me to speak.
“Jonah made you want to be a father?” I ask.
He presses his lips together and nods. “Part of me always thought we’d end up with a few kids.” He shrugs. “But I get that you don’t want to be with me. I get that I broke your trust, and I didn’t do it to be untrustworthy. I did it to protect you. To protect us. To give us a fair chance. And now…I just feel like I’m grieving the loss of both of you along with the future I always envisioned even when we spent two entire decades apart.”
The heat that was pinching behind my eyes forms into a tear, which races down my cheek followed quickly by one on the other side and then another.
“What was the future you envisioned?” I ask.
“You and me,” he says softly. He looks out the window like he’s describing a dream to me. “When I met Jonah and you and I got back together, then he was in it, too. I’m knocking on forty’s door here in another four years, but I thought maybe we’d find time before then to have one or two of our own. But the face doing it all with me in those fantasies has been yours. Always.” He finally turns toward me, and his eyes meet mine as his voice gets a little raspy. “If it’s not with you…I don’t think it’ll be with anyone.”
More tears track down my cheeks, and I heave in a deep breath before I say the words.
