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“That’s the truth. I think he gave me a little slack, but I was probably close to losing it all.”
“I read the rumors that you weren’t playing well, but I never know if I can believe them or not.”
“You were checking up on me?”
She sips her drink. “I would tell myself not to do it, but late at night on my phone, I’d just type your name.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for living your life.”
I put my hand on the small of her back and step into her, wanting to make sure it’s a moment between us when I confess. “You’re wrong, Gillian. Because if I was in your position and had to see a picture of you with another man’s hands on you, I’m not sure how I would react. I’d probably trash my place or strangle him. It’s a toss-up.”
She gives me a sad sort of smile. “I never said it was easy. I said you don’t have to apologize.”
“But I want to. I wish I could say more than just I’m sorry.”
She bites the inside of her lip and diverts her eyes from me.
I place my finger under her chin and bring her gaze back to me. “What is it?”
“Had I not felt so lonely and slept with another man, I wouldn’t have Clayton. I can’t imagine not having him in my life, so I don’t regret that it happened, but the truth is that I never should’ve done it. When we broke up, I felt as lost as you, but I was stuck here with all our memories and people giving me those pitying looks.”
I swallow hard, unsure if it’s the right thing to do or not but wanting it all out there. “I came back, you know. To try to make it right.”
Her head bolts up from staring into her beer. “What?”
“When I first got to Clemson, the distance was harder than I thought it would be. I was far away from home and everything I knew. Every time we talked, it only made me miss you and Willowbrook more. The pressure to not fuck it up because my family had sacrificed so much for me to live out my dream was immense. I would lie awake at night, thinking about coming back to Willowbrook after I made it pro and how we’d move to whatever city drafted me. But I wasn’t playing as well as I wanted. The stress consumed me. That night we broke up, I regretted it the minute we hung up. But I didn’t think I was going to make it, and every time we talked, my head would get more fucked up because I missed home. I felt like you deserved more than a boyfriend who called you late at night to argue with you and who you never saw. I was holding you back.”
I sip my beer, and she places her hand around my waist. “I felt like I was the one holding you back. When did you come home?”
“I came home at Christmas, ready to tell you how sorry I was and that I wanted to make it work. That it was only four years, and yeah, it was going to be hard, but we could figure it out. We just had to have faith in each other and our relationship. That I had finally settled in at Clemson and gotten my head on straight. But when Jude picked me up from the airport, he broke the news about you being pregnant. So I hid out on the ranch until it was time for my flight home and made my family promise not to tell anyone I was there. I pushed you into another man’s arms.”
A tear slips down her cheek. Every time she cries, the knife in my heart inches deeper.
I wipe it away. “This has all gotten way too serious for a party.”
She laughs, not pulling away from me.
I glance at the dance floor, thankful people are giving us privacy. “How about we dance?”
She bites her lip. “If we dance, people will speculate.”
“So what?”
“You’re right. We’re just two friends dancing, right?” Her smile suggests maybe we’re stepping out of the friend zone, but I try not to get too excited in case I’m wrong.
“Jude and Sadie are dancing.” I take her hand.
She laughs. “I’m not sure about their friend status.”
“No one is.” I shake my head because my older brother isn’t fooling anyone.
I tug on Gillian’s hand, and she comes willingly, leaving our beers at the table. My dad side-eyes us, and Sadie smiles as if Jude just proposed while we fall in line with them as they two-step.
“I’m rusty,” I admit.
“Then I’ll lead you.”
