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By decorations, he meant the words AIDS, HIV, STDS, WHORE, and PROSTITUTE. Fondant decorated money and condoms. Basically a mockery of what he depicted my life to be. A whole cake filled with nothing but slander and shame.
“Daddy, what does H…I…V spell?” Hearing my niece ask that question, I felt low. It hurt my heart and pained me to see my mother sitting there crying and my niece genuinely curious about the words on the cake. “Mommy, can you cut me a piece, please?”
“Damien, how dare you do this to our son?” My mom sobbed.
“How dare I?” Dad roared, glaring at me with more hate in his eyes than any father should have for their child. “How dare all of you sit here and pretend. Y’all can be blind and pretend to not see what he is but not me. Ain’t this what you wanted? Me to be happy. Well, I bought a damn cake to celebrate his embarrassment. Leann, be a doll and cut me a piece.” He sat down like he hadn’t once again ruined another dinner.
Jeremiah tried to stop Leann, but she was on a mission. “Sure. Honey, why don’t you take the kids to wash their hands while I start cleaning up here?”
My brother looked afraid. Not for his wife, but for dad. Listening to the one with most sense, he gathered his children and took them out of the dining room.
“I just love Shay’s cakes. She’s the best to ever do it.” When Leann rambled, it wasn’t good for anybody. “Ooou, and she added pecans in the middle.”
“I did good, huh? Ima eat this and then watch the Dolphins game. A perfect Sunday. Ain’t it, Ezekiel?”
I still hadn’t said a word or moved. I think my body was in pure shock that my father went this low. That he was so disappointed in me that he would go this far and cause this much embarrassment to not only me but my mother who hadn’t been able to stop crying.
“Mama, I…”
“It’s okay, Ezekiel. I’m… I’m going to go lay down.” Slowly, she rose and kissed my cheek. “Text me when you make it home, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She peered deep in my eyes and the weight of emotions sitting on my chest made it hard to breathe or think. “I love you, Ezekiel Donovan. You hear me. I love you. Always will.”
“I love…”
“Ahhh what the hell, Leann?”
She’d done what we all were thinking. Leann smashed the big slice she cut for him right in his face. Smeared it good. Went back and fisted more cake and smacked him with it.
“I’m sick and tired of you treating your son like he’s nothing.” Her voice cracked, chest rising and falling heavily. “I don’t care if he had sex with every elderly woman living in Century Village in exchange for their AARP benefits, that is your flesh and blood. He came from you. So what if he slings his dick for a living. He ain’t in jail, homeless, or around here begging you for shit. He’s a grown ass man capable of making his own decisions. You better be glad that I love your wife with all my heart because my children would never know you. I have no respect for you. Your wife is sick and all you can do is focus on Ezekiel when you should be concerned with spending time with your wife. Now, I’m going to help her wind down for the night. That kitchen needs to be cleaned so I suggest you get right to it.” Taking a napkin, she wiped her hands and allowed my mom to lean on her.
“Thank you, Leann.” Mom kissed her cheek and glared at my father. “And I suggest you and your cake find somewhere to sleep tonight cause it won’t be in my bed.”
It was time for me to go. My appetite had long disappeared, and being left in a room alone with my dad wasn’t a good idea. “I’m heading out. Love y’all.”
I had a yearning in my soul that grew with each minute that passed. A yearning so deep and gut-wrenching that its embodiment often left me speechless and absentminded. It was a yearning for love. An agape type of love. A love that fed calcium to my bones. Unclogged rubbish from my arteries. A love stronger than a Korean vitamin C serum. A love that birthed new butterflies each time my lover entered a room.
Love.
I wanted it.
Craved it.
“Good evening, Ms. Austin. You look stunning, as always.” Hector, the bellhop of Simon’s condominium, greeted me.
“Thank you, Hector. Have a great night.” Not stopping my stride, I headed towards the elevators and hit PH34.
Tonight I planned to order my favorite junk food and binge watch shows on Netflix that I haven’t had a chance to watch in weeks. Maybe even watch funny videos if Hillary was home. But, no. The man I’m supposed to be in a serious relationship with, antic car collector Simon Davis, wanted me to come over for date night. Dinner and a movie. We never did the romance thing. At least not serious anyway.
Simon had a motive being attached to me. Clout. Access to people he wouldn’t have because prior to me he was a nobody and still is. To the world, he’s known as Sunnie’s boy toy but he thinks that’s code for love of my life. So far from the truth. We had sex, lots of sex. We traveled, and he created these romantic aesthetic spaces for video and picture purposes. I never complained because this was a mutual exchange. I wanted his connect to ShaKedra Henderson, and he had that through her husband whom he sold one of his classic Chevy’s to.
ShaKedra is known globally for her luxury chain of nail salons. I’m talking the Taj Mahal of spas. She didn’t use the basic polishes in her shop. Nope. All top of the line, and I wanted her to go in business with me. I tried doing it the right way. Reaching out to her assistant and such, but that didn’t work. So, I used Simon to open that door. Fashion Week in New York had just kicked off and created the perfect opportunity since I had been blessed to be one of the top five nail liquor and enhancements being worn by all models all week long. Not just on the runway but at parties, restaurants, etc. I made sure my polish and nails were on everyone, from the taxi driver to the mail clerk and nurses. I pushed my brand in her face so much that she ended up reaching out to me two days before Fashion Week was over. That was two years ago and we’ve been coasting in this weird space of convenience more than anything else.
We weren’t in love but on social media; I painted the perfect picture that we were. That he took me on expensive trips when really they were brand trips that he accompanied me on. He sent me roses and gifts but had a camera in my face to capture the perfect reaction and make women lust after him for being the ‘perfect boyfriend’.
I had love for Simon, but I wasn’t in love with him.
