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“There’s a bathroom downstairs,” I said sharply.
“Aaron told me upstairs to the right.”
“Fucking asshole,” I muttered. Aaron had done it on purpose. He knew I came up for a quiet moment.
Jonah’s hand still gripped the door handle. He refused to step into the bathroom fully but didn’t retreat either. How metaphoric.
“Why are you up here?” he asked.
“That’s a stupid question, Jo.” I turned around and crossed my arms, leaning back on the slick, white countertop. His eyes were a dead giveaway as he ran through options of what to do next. Stay, go, speak, shut up. He had no clue, and so he did nothing. Shocking. “I’ll go.” I launched off the counter to pass him.
“I don’t need the bathroom, I just wanted to hide,” he said quickly. Like I didn’t already know that. His stare was firmly on me as he spoke, and I could see right through it. Such a fine line he teetered on. As did I.
“Then I’ll leave you to do so.” I made to exit, but he still didn’t move from the doorway. He remained planted half in the bathroom, half in the walk-through laundry room that separated the bathroom from the hallway. “Aren’t you going to move so I can leave you to brood in peace?”
“I’m sorry for touching you in front of them.”
My gaze welded itself to his, catching that guilty glimmer in his eyes. It hurt to see, but my body and my brain were too blocked with energy for me to care. Rage, frustration, pain, helplessness. “You’ve done many things that have hurt me these last few days, Jo. Touching me is the least of them.”
He sighed and tilted himself to allow me to brush past him. I knocked his shoulder rudely as I did. He didn’t like that. Good. He immediately grabbed me and spun me toward the drying machine in the dark laundry room, pressing my back to it. We stood in that dim middle space, staring, breathing, only a gasp apart as I found myself trapped by him. Faint light trailed in from the partially open bathroom door, illuminating his shadow.
“I’m trying to apologize. The least you can do is drop the attitude,” he said, his nose millimeters from mine.
“Maybe you should just fuck it out of my system,” I mocked.
He came closer still, his tone and expression hard as stone. “I asked you to drop the attitude.”
My hands fell to his chest, bunching his T-shirt in fists before I launched him away from me. “You’re getting awfully close for someone who doesn’t want me.”
“I never said I didn’t want you.”
“No, but you did imply that fucking me would be a burden, and I was able to extrapolate.” I slit my eyes and lifted a hand at him. “It’s fine, Jo. Not your fault. I’ll get over it. It won’t be hard to find someone else who knows how to touch a fucking rib cage.”
“I never said I didn’t want you.”
“Well, that’s odd, Jo.” I put my hands on my hips and pretended to think. “If you want me, and I want you, I wonder why nothing’s happening. I mean, I’d probably know if you bothered to have a fucking conversation with me about it.”
“I tried to talk to you this morning.”
“After forty-eight hours of bullshit! I wanted to talk the very next day after you…you…” Ugh!
He splayed his hands in front of himself, questioning the air. “Can I not make a decision without consulting you first?”
“Not one that involves the both of us.”
“I am allowed to say no to you.”
“You are allowed to do whatever the fuck you want, except get close to me and then leave me in the dust, harboring me with mixed signals and half-excuses!”
???
Jonah
I didn’t want her to think I was rejecting her. I didn’t want her to think I disliked her or dismissed her. But I… What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I tried to protect myself. I tried to protect our friendship. And for what? For this? It seemed the only way out was to do it. To give in to what I wanted most and do my best not to off myself after. To bury myself in the memories of her once she finally left me and act like it hadn’t destroyed our entire friendship and my entire life.
No. I couldn’t give up just because she had an attitude today. Just one more week, maybe two, and she’d cool off, this would blow over, and everything would go back to normal. I just had to stick to my decision. That’s all I had to do.
