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No one could touch me anymore if I were strong enough.
Chapter 10
Jonah
I was wasting away yet another evening on the couch in the apartment, sinking into the cushions and letting my face weigh my head down to one side, ignoring the crick it gave me. My sweatpants and T-shirt fell loosely over me as if my body weren’t even inside of them at all, as if they were simply strewn across the furniture. Oli and June were behind me in the kitchen making something to eat. I had no appetite.
Kai hadn’t texted me back in an entire day, and I wasn’t happy about it. Not that I needed her to tend to me at all hours or anything, but I thought that since she broke up with Javi last month, she might go back to being a little more present. If anything, she just receded into herself even more.
I couldn’t blame her, really. It’s just that I was having a particularly bad day, and my particularly obnoxious ex as of three weeks ago, Caroline, was particularly being a total pain in my ass. Per usual.
Caroline didn’t like Valentine’s Day. That’s what she told me. That was the excuse to blow me off that day, and it didn’t take long for me to catch on to what she was actually doing.
Whatever. She just didn’t have to waste so much of my fucking time and energy in the process. Six months. Six whole months with her that I’d never get back.
Kai told me to get out there. She told me to open up and meet people. So, I did. And for what? To live my life exactly the same as before, but with someone sending me passive-aggressive text messages all day?
I’m sorry.
Please talk to me.
I love you.
No, she didn’t, and neither did I.
Let’s just talk this out.
Fine.
Whatever.
Give up on me then.
Fuck you.
Oh my god. It was fucking exhausting.
I even tried to convince myself that my love for Kai was just a childish infatuation at one point, that it was just some weird possessive attachment I had since I found it difficult to relate to others. I told myself that if I tried a real relationship, if I actually gave someone a chance, I might learn a thing or two. The only thing I learned was that taking such stupid chances on people is not for me.
My phone chimed. It wasn’t Kai. I threw it across the room to the opposite couch and dragged my hands down my face as it bounced onto the floor.
I tried, Kai. Okay? I did what you wanted. I fucking tried.
A deep voice sounded behind me in the kitchen. “Jonah, man.”
Fuck you, Oli. “Yes, Oli?”
Before he could answer, the doorbell rang. I immediately crunched my fingers in front of me in reaction, clawing at the air. The sound and the irritation it provoked in me physically hurt. I stood from my sinking position and moved to the phone by the door, grumbling the whole way. “I swear to fucking god, if that’s her… If that’s fucking Caroline…” I snatched the phone from its position. “Hello.” My greeting was not a question. There was no hint of curiosity in it. The person on the other end needed to know that I did not give a shit who they were, especially if they were Caroline.
“Jojo?”
My fingers loosened immediately when I heard the squeaky voice come through the line. I slammed the phone down in its place and laid heavily on the buzzer to open the front entrance of the building. My sock-covered feet practically put me flat on my ass as I swung out the apartment door, but I continued trampling down the wooden stairs. Oli and June ran after me, calling my name.
When I emerged from the stairway, my beautiful Kai was standing at the front entrance with a suitcase placed next to her, her arms reaching out in front of her and her feet inching toward me. She was crying.
Why is she crying?
A pathetic whimper left my throat when I got close enough to take in the expression on her face, and I wasted no time in tangling her in my arms. She buried her hot, wet sniffles in my shoulder, wailing into my T-shirt and shaking in my hold. I cherished those shudders, though they made my heart twist. Cherished her presence.
