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“It does when I’m engaged to someone else!” My voice raises slightly, and I quickly scan the immediate area to ensure we’re still alone.
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?” I clutch the strap of my purse, tightly securing it to my shoulder. “You don’t even want me, Nicky. I clearly wasn’t good enough, so why can’t you just let me try and have a shot at some kind of normalcy?”
“And marrying someone who fucks other people is normal?” He rears back, thrusting his hand out to the side.
“Listen, Nick. Luc may not be faithful, but when he says he loves me, I know he means it. Even if it’s not the way I’d prefer, I know he loves me to the best of what he’s capable of.”
Nicky scoffs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “That’s just fucking sad, Daph.”
“No, Nick. Sad is spending years pining for some guy that you’re never gonna mean a goddamn thing to.”
“That’s not true.” He thrusts a finger at me.
“Less than three.” My words give him pause, and I notice the tightening of his grip around the towel he’s still clutching. “You remember that, right? Scale of one to ten, Nicky, how much do I mean to you? And you said—”
“Less than three,” he whispers. Hearing the words spoken in his voice, it fractures my heart all over again.
“You still feel that way?” Peering up at him from beneath my lashes, I’m met with his hardened stare.
“Every. Fucking. Day.”
The beating in my chest ceases altogether, as I’m once again subjected to the shattering of the organ that betrays me time and time again.
How many times can a heart break before it just does you a kindness and dies?
My vision becomes blurry as my eyes glass over with unshed tears. “I hate you.” The words come out small, sounding downright pathetic.
Offering up a slow nod, Nicky takes a step toward me. He raises a hand, stroking the side of my cheek just as several tears slip free.
“Good,” he whispers into the space between us.
My eyes squeeze shut, though the action does little to slow the steady streams now streaking down my cheeks. Nicky’s palm slips from my face, and when I open my eyes once more, I’m greeted to nothing more than an empty space before me and his retreating form on his way toward the door.
CHAPTER 19
THEN
NICKY – Age 21
I sit in the dimly lit private room that’s been reserved for us in the high-end gentlemen’s club in the heart of Manhattan. Rico and Tommy sit beside me on either side as the proposed terms of our new distribution contract are laid out for us by our new prospective partners.
This is huge for us. While the Dukes operation is impressive, especially when you consider it’s run by four guys in their early twenties, this new contract is set to align us as a major player in the tristate area drug trade.
When I originally made the proposition to Rico and JP four years ago, we had every intention of simply trying to instill some form of order to the city’s rapidly growing drug problem. Since then, OD rates have decreased by over 92 percent—a statistic I’d like to think we play a key role in. Well, us and that shithead Bishop, though I’d never publicly credit the douche.
Either way, you can’t argue with figures and facts. And at the end of the day, Queen City and the surrounding territories are safer places to live since we took power. Which is precisely why when it came time for me and the boys to re-evaluate our standing in this business, we decided on expansion rather than retirement. What if we called it quits and Bishop couldn’t hold the line without us? The boys agreed it wasn’t worth the risk.
And I am so fucking thankful they saw it that way because, honestly, I have ulterior motives with this shit. There were a lot of things I thought this life would bring me.
Headaches? Occasionally.
Danger? Obviously.
Money? A fuck ton.
But in the midst of all that, I found something else. Something… more. In the midst of the darkness, I was given the freedom to flourish. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from the privileged professional athlete with a genius IQ, but prior to this, my success was always measured by the standards of what was deemed noteworthy by the world around me. I’d spent my life altering every aspect of my personality so I could better “fit in.”
