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I hesitate.
“What’s happened?” he says immediately.
Tears sting my eyes, and I press my fingers to my mouth. “I rang Cam to tell him it was over, and he told me his brother’s had a heart attack in Sydney, and his mum’s had a breakdown. He wants me to go over there, and I couldn’t bring myself to say no. I’m so sorry.” I burst into tears.
I wait for him to get angry. To accuse me of leading him on. To say that if I don’t tell Cam it’s over today, I can forget about a future with him. To tell me I’m weak, and I don’t deserve him.
But it’s Henry I’m talking to, and so he doesn’t say any of those things.
“Baby,” he says, “don’t cry. Come on, of course you couldn’t tell him now. Go and help sort things out. You’ll know when the time is right.”
I try not to sob. “Don’t be nice to me.”
“Aw, hey, everything’s going to be fine. Just don’t have sex with him, okay?”
I give a short laugh. “Yeah, all right.”
“I’ve been there, remember? I know it’s hard. It doesn’t end with a blare of trumpets. It’s more like you’re sailing away from shore where someone’s playing music. You think you’re out of earshot, and then you hear strains of music on the wind. But one day you won’t be able to hear it anymore. You’ll get there.”
I draw up my knees and rest my forehead on them. “How can you be so possessive one minute and so understanding the next?”
“I’m not saying I won’t be yelling every swear word I know when I end this call. I’m frustrated. But with Cam, or Fate, or life I guess, not with you.”
I wipe my cheeks. “Can I call you later?”
“Any time, sweetheart. I’m always here for you.”
“I hope you have a good New Year’s Eve.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not holding out much hope. But you never know.”
“Thank you.”
“Take care of yourself, you hear me? I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say softly. “Bye.” I end the call.
I sit there for a moment, letting my thoughts settle. And I realize he’s right. Just because I’m going over to help Cam doesn’t change anything. Our relationship is still done. It would be cruel to end it right now when he’s suffering. Once things have settled a little, we can have a conversation, but until then I need to be a human being and do what I can to help his family get through this difficult time.
The washing has finished, so I put it in the dryer, then pack a few things just in case I decide to stay overnight. When I’m done, I head for the door and turn to look around at the apartment. Without the lights on, it seems dark and gloomy. It feels as if something has died in it, and I guess that’s kind of the case. Love faded away here, leaving only sadness, and the air is heavy with it.
I go out of the door, and close it behind me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Juliette
New Year’s Eve is a complete washout, and the next few days are, frankly, horrendous. Cam’s brother has a coronary artery bypass graft, but he ends up with a surgical site infection, and he’s very unwell. Cam’s mother, Kathy, is beside herself with worry, in hysterical tears most of the time, and ends up having to be sedated again. She is calmer when I’m there, so I stay with her for much of the time, reading to her, and just letting her talk when she is a bit calmer.
Alan’s wife, who’s now eight months pregnant, is unwell and struggling, which just upsets Kathy more. She wants to go to Australia to help her, but Cam’s Dad tells her he’s not letting her go in her mental state, which leads to her having more hysterics. In the end, Cam offers to fly over there, and he leaves on the second of January, which makes things both easier and harder. Easier because I don’t have to tiptoe around him. But harder because there’s no chance of us talking while he’s away and I’m here with his parents. When I do talk to him, he constantly says things like, “I’m so glad you’re there,” and, “What would we do without you?” so there’s no possible way I can tell him or his parents that I’d rather be elsewhere.
I’m incredibly tired and exhausted by this point. Kathy is nice enough, but she’s not my mother, and I find her hysterics irritating, even though I feel sorry for her. I miss Henry so much it hurts. I want this to be over, but it shows no sign of ending right now.
And then on Thursday, after I’ve made yet another lunch for everyone that goes uneaten, my phone rings. To my surprise, I see that it’s Alex.
I answer it and walk out into the garden. “Hey, you!”
“Hey,” he says.
