AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Cam gets to his feet as I enter the apartment. He’s wearing the clothes he wore last night, he’s unshaven, and his hair’s a mess. Before I can say anything, he walks across the room and puts his arms around me.
“Thank God,” he whispers in my ear. “I thought you weren’t coming home.”
I stand there, stiff as an ironing board. Cam is not a hugger, and usually shrinks from physical affection. I’ve learned over the years that the small things mean more where he’s concerned, like holding hands, for example. So this is huge for him, and shows the extent of his fear.
Normally I’d have lapped up this meager display of love, but all I can think about is Henry—lying in bed, stroking me, his fingers never leaving my skin; kissing me as if his life depended on it; moving inside me so gently, while his eyes watched me, drinking in my pleasure. I know I must smell of his cologne and the scent of his warm skin. I haven’t brushed my teeth, and despite the mint I had, I can taste whisky, which I rarely drink. I feel coated in him, my pores oozing him.
After about ten seconds, and recognizing I’m clearly not going to respond, Cam drops his arms and moves back. We stand there and stare at each other for a long time.
“Where were you?” he asks eventually.
Such a small question. With such a potentially lethal response.
My whole future rests on what I say next. Tell the truth. Or lie. It’s such a simple decision. But the pressure of answering feels as heavy as uranium, and just as dangerous. The words in my mouth are nuclear bombs ready to drop and blow us both sky high. I’ve constructed them. I’ve loaded them onto the plane. Now all I need to do is press the button to release the doors, watch them fall, and observe their destruction.
But I can’t. I don’t want to be responsible for detonating them and destroying our relationship. I’m a coward, and I’m frightened of change. Things aren’t right between me and Cam, but I have a good life, and I’m not sure I’m willing to risk everything for Henry. He’s a wonderful guy, and he should have women clambering over each other to get to him. But the thing is… I want children. And Henry can’t give them to me.
There are options, of course. Sperm donors and IVF and adoption. But it’s one thing to be in a partnership and discover you can’t have children. It’s another to enter a relationship willingly with that knowledge.
And anyway, although last night was amazing, I don’t know whether Henry and I are suited. Whether we’d last once the first blaze of passion wore off. He’s so quiet and private, and I know very little about him. He might drive me mad when I get to know him. I might drive him mad, despite his declaration that he’s in love with me. It’s a huge risk when I’m already in a stable relationship with a man I love.
Do I still love Cam? I’m not sure, but I did once.
“I stayed in a hotel,” I say, which isn’t a lie. Yeah, Juliette, you tell yourself that. “I didn’t want to come home.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at the floor. “I’m sorry,” he says.
It’s a rare thing for him to say. “I appreciate the apology,” I tell him. “But it doesn’t make everything right.”
“I know.”
We stand six feet apart, but it feels like six miles.
“I didn’t think you were going to be here when I came home,” I admit.
“I only stayed at Mum’s for an hour. I kept thinking about you. I texted you again, and I tried to call, but it kept going to voicemail.”
“I turned my phone off. I’d had enough.”
He nods as if to say he understands why.
Silence falls between us. My neck suddenly tingles, as if Henry is reminding me of the love bite he placed there. I wrap my arms around my middle, full of shame and guilt and misery.
“It’s the first time you’ve ever not come home,” Cam says eventually.
“It’s the first time I’ve not wanted to.”
Our eyes meet. Something shifts between us, as if the tectonic plates are moving beneath our feet. He’s realizing how bad this is. How fragile our relationship is right now.
“Are you staying?” he asks.
“I need to have a shower and go to work.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean are you staying with me? Or are you leaving me?” His brows draw together.
My throat tightens. “I don’t know.”
Silence falls between us once more. His eyes have lit with fear again.
