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“You’re not driving?”
“No, I’ll Uber.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Take care of yourself,” I murmur.
“You too. Love you.” He ends the call before I can echo the sentiment.
I go back into the house to hear screaming from Kathy’s room, and Roy yelling at her to calm down. I press a hand to my forehead. I want to just walk out, go back to my apartment, and grieve on my own. But I promised Cam I’d stay and help his mum, and I don’t have the heart to abandon her when she’s so upset.
Taking a deep breath, I head for the bedroom, mentally rolling up my sleeves for the fight.
*
The next day, Gaby calls me to say she and Tyson are going around to James’s if I want to join them. When I tell Kathy I’m going out for a few hours, she collapses into tears, and in the end Roy gives her more pills and tells me to go.
I Uber over to James’s, relieved to be out of the cloying atmosphere, and, despite the sadness of the situation, excited to see Henry. When I arrive and walk into James’s house, Henry is the first person I see, and while Gaby goes up to hug James, Henry and I have a quick cuddle which goes unnoticed as everyone greets everyone else.
“How are you doing?” he asks, tightening his arms around me.
“Shit,” I reply. “I miss you.”
“Yeah, I miss you too.”
That’s all we have time for, but it’s wonderful to be back with my friends. We sit out on James’s deck and eat pizza and reminisce about Maddie, and I have a cuddle with Leia as he discusses the options for what to do with her.
I look up and see Henry watching me. I lift Leia’s hand and wave it at him, and he gives a smile, but it’s a sad one. Is he thinking about Maddie? Or about the unresolved issue we spoke about in Wellington—about us having children of our own? I’d sort of forgotten about that in the heat of everything that’s been happening, but the problem is still there, and it’s not going away.
Not long after that I get a text from Cam. Any chance you could head back soon? Dad says Mum’s asking for you.
I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with my friends, get drunk, tell stories about when we were young and carefree, then go home with Henry, make love to him for hours, and fall asleep in his arms. But at the moment that option seems further away than ever.
Heavy with responsibility, I say goodbye to everyone and head for the door. Henry comes with me on the pretense of getting himself a glass of water from the fridge, and we pause in the lobby, standing a foot apart.
“You okay?” he asks. “You look exhausted.”
“I am. God, this week. I just want it to be over.”
“I know what you mean.”
I think about Maddie, and my eyes water. “I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“Me neither. It feels unreal.”
I reach out and rub his upper arm, just because I want to touch him. “I’m glad you were there for James. You’re such a rock.”
“I wish I could be there for you.” His blue eyes are sincere, without any anger or resentment that I haven’t left yet. “I’m sorry you’re having to go through all that.”
“It’s really hard. Kathy needs me, and I know if I walk now, it’ll kill her. What kind of person would it make me to turn my back on someone in need?”
I look back at him, and his expression has softened. “You’re a lovely girl,” he says. “And I know that Hindu philosophy suggests selfless service and adherence to your moral and ethical responsibilities are important for spiritual growth. That’s commendable. But I think sometimes duty is so ingrained in you that you forget we all have our own paths to walk. Our own crosses to bear, if you don’t mind me mixing up our religions. Kathy has to learn to cope emotionally with what’s happening to Alan and his family. Buddhists say pain comes from resistance to change, right? She needs to develop coping mechanisms and learn to accept that bad things are going to happen, or she won’t be able to deal with these major problems that life throws at us going forward.”
My face heats at the thought that he thinks I’m enabling her. “What am I supposed to do when she’s screaming the house down and threatening to hurt herself because she’s so frightened and unhappy? Roy and Cam can’t deal with her—should I just walk out and leave her?”
“She needs proper medical help. You’re not her doctor or her therapist, and she’s not your mother.”
“She’s a human being, and she needs me right now.”
“I understand, and I admire you for the way you care about people. But all the time you’re there, Roy and Cam will leave it to you, and nothing will be solved. Sometimes it’s okay to put your own needs and desires first. Sometimes you have to.”
