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“I took some time to think after you left, Lea. I didn’t mean what I said in that way. I genuinely love you, Lea. You are in my thoughts when I wake up and go to sleep. My heart beats to the rhythm of your voice. I have experienced devastation in a million ways, more than once during these past weeks of separation. We live in the same neighborhood and work in the same office, yet it felt like you were so far away from me.”
“I could not bear to imagine a great physical distance between us. The mere thought of it scared me, so I reacted the way I did.”
“Your parents mean so much to you. I am vividly aware of that fact. There is nothing I can give you that would replace the vacuum they have left in your life.”
“I also totally agree that you need to be present for the final passing of your parent’s estate to you and Kelvin by the court.”
“You have a life outside Los Angeles, right there in San Antonio, and I missed that point as well. It is up to you to decide where you want to live. I cannot make or impose such decisions on you.”
“You are my partner, or rather, I want you to be my partner. Until then, I cannot boss you around like I own you. I certainly do not. Together, we will work something out. I know we will.”
“Please, I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Lea. I’m truly sorry.”
At this point, there were no obstructions to my tears as I allowed them to flow willingly, with no breaks.
He scoots closer to me on the couch and holds onto me as I sob in his arms.
This felt like déjà vu from the movie night with popcorn we had a few weeks back. However, this time, we had both hurt each other.
“I’m sorry too, Damien. I didn’t realize how the walls I had built between us hurt you deeply. Only my thoughts and my interests were considered, and I didn’t think of yours.”
“The idea was to save our friendship from any brutal ending in case our relationship never worked out, but I didn’t even give us a try.”
“Now that you say these words to me, I see the smallness of my thinking in discarding every possibility of us and what we share ever becoming a reality.”
“I am sorry that I didn’t try to give us a chance, and I’m sorry that I hurt you this much.”
He clings as though I would slip away from his hands if I weren’t in his embrace.
“As much as I always want to hold you this way, I don’t want you crying while I do so,” he says.
As we chuckle at his feeble joke, I catch a whiff of his woody aroma from the black leather jacket, saturated with his distinctive fragrance.
“Lea, I want to hold you close to me, but I never want to hold you back from doing what is best for you.”
At this moment, nothing else matters. San Antonio or Los Angeles, I just want to be right here with this man who smells like musky wood.
Chapter Twenty
Damien
With Lea’s head on the left side of my chest, I wouldn’t mind if she took my heart’s position at this point.
She pumped my blood with adrenaline that only her voice and overall presence could cause.
This moment could last forever, and I wouldn’t mind as long as I spent it with her.
“As much as I always want to hold you this way, I don’t want you crying while I do so.”She sniffs and laughs at my dead joke. I don’t mind the embarrassment if it means I get to see her smile this way every day. I join in her laughter, and the sound is a perfect symphony that fills the room.
As much as I always want her by my side, I don’t want to stifle her dreams and aspirations. She has wings, and I will give her room to fly, not to clamp down on her desires.
If San Antonio is where she wants to be, I will figure out a way to be there with her if I don’t want to be separated from her.
I could use some time off work to spend time with her now and then. We could go on vacations and travel the world together during our free time.
“Lea, I want to hold you close to me, but I never want to hold you back from doing what is best for you.”
She lifts her head and peeks at me with the most adorable eyes I have ever seen.
