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I cut him off, not wanting to hear anymore. I held it together by a thread as the song ended. Cover up? Did Rick use me all this time? An affair? With whom? My brain scrambled; my limbs suddenly fell lip. I wandered off the floor and took a seat. I stared back at the floor to see Rick going around with Astrid now. I wanted to smack him. I hated that he was with her. Was he more interested in Astrid than me?
It was as if everything was suddenly a lie. The happiness and adoration we shared only an hour before was gone. All peace left me. No longer did I want to crawl in bed with him. No longer did I want to kiss him or say sweet things. I didn’t want him to be sweet or to dote. I wanted none of that. I had no choice but to power through this and move along. The mission was freedom.
I wasn’t here to fall in love or forsomething romantic. I focused again on the end goal I previously identified. It would be enough.
Thirty
Rick
Ifound Alexandra suddenly cold. She protested that she was tired. She said her tiara gave her a headache. Still, she was curt. I was confused. Before all this, I thought we were about to jump into bed. I thought finally I might get to have her. Instead, I realised not only was that not happening, but something was wrong.
We left the ballroom. We couldn’t go unescorted, so of course Astrid accompanied us as we proceeded. Alexandra remained quiet and Astrid was prickly. We’d all been laughing only hours before. Now, the humour was gone. What could have happened to make things so sterile and odd?
When we arrived outside Alexandra’s door, she asked that Astrid leave us. We were now alone in a mostly dark hallway. I made out the pained expression on Alexandra’s face. Gone was the beautiful smile on full display earlier. Her tiara picked up tiny bits of light but seemed dull suddenly.
“I don’t know what happened. Can I get you anything?” I asked. “I’m worried about you, Lex.”
She shook her head. “I’m fine.”
She was lying. I reached for her hand, and she pulled back.
“No! Do not touch me!”
“What?” I cocked my head. “Alexandra, what is happening? I thought all was well. We had such a lovely evening?—”
“Rick, I cannot… this is not happening. Maybe you thought you might land me tonight. I am, after all, just a pawn.”
Her face pulled, as if in pain. She started to cry.
“No, Alexandra. You aren’t. I don’t think that?—”
“I’m not? So, I’m not part of the attempt to subvert the media and cover up an affair? What affair, Rikard? What happened? What are you lying to me about?”
Her voice rang, loudly. I was busted! I felt terrible. My stomach churned. My heart sank. It broke. I realised I'd been living a fantasy—caught up in very real feelings about her. Alexandra suddenly slipped away. Love in her eyes was replaced with contempt.
“It’s not like that,” I insisted.
“Your father said?—”
“Alexandra, I do not care what he told you, my feelings are genuine!”
“So there was no plot with the media?”
“I didn’t say that!”
“Who is she?”
“She was no one to you, but I did love her. She was married. Her husband blackmailed Pappa and then lied. He went to the media anyway.Exclusivewas willing to take a deal if they could cover everything first,” I said.
Honesty poured out of me in a way I never expected. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to start over. I wanted everything clean. She didn’t trust me. I should have worried about my situation if she left me, but my greatest fear was that I would break her heart.
“I’m a dick, okay. I’m Rick the Prick. I’m sorry. Or I was. I…. Alexandra, I love you.”
The words flew out of my mouth. I wanted her face to soften. I wanted her to believe me. It was the truth. Ididlove her. I wanted her to grab onto me. I longed for an exuberant kiss. Instead, she sobbed.
“Stop lying to me. It hurts worse!”
I tried to comfort her, but she backed up, unable to even look at me now.
